Am I CRAZY???

Or just nucking futz? Or a bit of both? I am predicting that 1/3 of you will say TOTALLY crazy…1/3 of you will say “nope”, and the last third will completely get it, and be totally supportive. Let me give you the scoop, poop….so that you can make your own decision…

You may remember that I tried to go to South Africa for a type of a vision quest. Which, didn’t happen, although, I truly appreciate all of you who helped me try to fund my journey. I decided if I didn’t go, that this was going to be a summer of ceremony, and that I was going to create my own sort of vision quest.

Agnes, Ruby and I took off in mid-June to attend a Sundance Ceremony in New Mexico….incredible prayer time….and very grounding. While I was there, a Navajo elder shared an amazing story with me about why we are here…..something that I knew, but/and, confirmation is always welcomed.

On Wednesday, I leave again for New Mexico, on my way to another ceremony. This time feels different. Mostly because I have been getting the message to visit the sacred site at Chaco Canyon after the ceremony is over. For those of you who have been there, you know that the road pretty much sucks, and so many have advised me to not risk traveling the road in. And yet, GUS and my intuition, continue to INSIST that I go.

Scares the POOP out of me!!! Serious apprehension going on inside right now. I’m either courageous, or crazy. (In all honesty, it’s probably a bit of both!) After all, I am a bit (ok, a LOT) OCD, and I’ve never taken Agnes on a journey that is this much off the grid – No cell service, no water, no electricity….you get the picture!

I have a lot of fear around MOST of this, and, yet, I KNOW that I am supposed to do it, not only for me, but, also for the collective. (Which seems to be coming up a lot for me lately.)

I have questions about my mission. About my value. About why I am here. I know that I am not alone in these thoughts.

I am pretty sure that the one thing that scares me the MOST, is being alone, with no way to connect to others….and, facing my inner demons.

Soooooooo…….You decide….Crazy? Courageous? Or nucking futz? (Or all of the above?)

May We Walk Together As One,

Paula

3 Responses to Am I CRAZY???

  1. Paula have no fear. The roads are rough, but years ago we took a Honda CR-V and had NO problem. Go, if Gus is saying go, then do it. You won’t regret a moment one single moment. Be prepared for hot weather,heat, sunscreen, good walking shoes, and WATER. Go and enjoy. It’s a spectacular place. Your art will thank you,too. It’s totally inspiring.
    Have a blast,
    Marilyn Shaw

  2. Paula,
    I was so moved by your query. Having faced some fears myself, I have found, for me anyway, that fear is just a door you must walk thru alone and then the angels are always there on the other side to greet, congratulate, and walk with you again. Faith lies in that tiny step in the threshold. Be brave. Plan well. And have a journey of a lifetime Sister!

Leave a reply

About Paula