Author Archives: angel

A reason, A season or A lifetime

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.”

This is written by a very wise person….and told to me by a very wise woman.

I just had a very important relationship in my life change – a huge change – but, a needed change.   It has made me reflect – A reason, A season, or a lifetime?
“When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand . What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.”

Was it a reason?  Maybe.  He taught me about unconditional love.  That I was beautiful. That I was, and am a gift.  Something I had problems believing until he came in.  He was a godsend in that sense.  He taught me to be strong.  But was it just for a reason?

“Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

Was it for a season?   He taught so much about the Red Path – sweat lodges, Native American Sundance, Spirit Beings – so much about the Spiritual Journey that I didn’t know about.   He introduced to ways, and people that I had NEVER, ever even dreamed existed until after I met him.  I have grown in ways I could never explain to you.   He opened my eyes to the magic in the world.  The magic….   So was it for a season, or a reason.
“LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your Job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”

Is it for a lifetime?   I believe that it is, but in a different capacity than I thought it to be when it started.   He knows me, he loves me unconditionally – he sees me, but it’s not time for him.   HE has more to do to grow that he needs to do without me.  I love him.   I will ALWAYS love him – for his gifts that he has given me, for all that he has taught me, for the beauty that he has shared with me. For teaching me and convincing me that I am beautiful.  I will never regret the day we met, the time we have spent together, what we have learned together.  I just pray that I have given him gifts also.   I see HIS beauty, him -who he is, and the gifts HE has to share with the world.

Were there challenges?  Of course.  Was it always a bed of roses?  Of course not.  It was a normal relationship.   But, I am choosing to focus on the gift, the blessing of the relationship.

So was it a reason, a season or a lifetime?  I believe it was all three.  I believe that sometimes in your life, there is someone who fits all three.  I am grateful.

This is a bittersweet day for me.

Thank you all for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Paula

Thanksgiving…in a New World.

Here I am, the night before Thanksgiving, cooking the stuffing, thawing the turkey, planning the menu, (at least that part hasn’t changed), in Taos, New Mexico.  A new world for me.  A new life.  Lots of changes in the last 4 years.   I first separated from Michael 4 years ago.   I knew it was something that I needed to do, but I had no idea why.   Since then it has become clear, sometimes as clear as mud, sometimes crystal clear.  It’s been hard, it’s been easy, it just has been what it has been.

I left my family, I left my friends, I left my children, I left my hometown.  I left everything familiar, I moved to an area of the United States that was very different from Kansas.  The population in the very small town I was from was primarily Caucasian, Republican, very hard working wonderful people.   And I moved to Taos, New Mexico.  Hmmmm…..big, big change.  And, I started finding new family.  One by one….they came into my life.  With messages, with offers of help, with unconditional love.  Total unconditional love.  I fell apart, they were there. I was happy, they were there. I cooked ….of course they were there!!  I laughed, cried, ran the gamut of emotions, and they were still there.

I apologized to a friend the other day for falling apart again…..and she reminded me…”When you’re happy, I love you. When you are sad, I love you. When you have had no sleep and are irrational, I love you.   I will always love you.   Because you are always you – and I love you!”  Wow….

I’ve learned about the Dao, Sweat Lodges, Native American Sundances, Buddhism, UFO’s, ET’s, The IChing, Peace, Astrology, Tarot, anything metaphysical or spiritual.   I’ve devoured as much information as I possibly could.  I read books by don Miquel Ruiz, Abraham-Hicks, Gregg Braden, and Louise Hay.  I believe that love is the answer.  I believe in peace.  I believe the world as we know it is getting better.

I am a bit homesick.  I have my son Kit here with me, and will have many over tomorrow to eat (cuz I love to cook). But, I am homesick.  I miss Kansas.  I miss the familiar.  I miss my daughter.  Some days I miss my old life.  Ninety percent of the time, I’m doing pretty good. Ten percent of the time I am insecure.  It’s an improvement.  It just used to be 10% feeling good, and 90% freaking out.   I’ve moved forward.  A lot.  I don’t give myself much credit for the forward movement.  But, I have.  I can get out of bed most days.   And that is good.   I don’t spend evenings in my bathtub with a bottle of wine crying….wondering if I made a mistake or not. I don’t feel guilty because of the “shoulds” as much anymore.  As my son told me the other day, “Screw society, mom. Who are you living for?”   I know I have moved to Taos for a reason.

……and many of them are coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner.  I love my new life, my new family, my New World.

I am Thankful to be here at this time.

Much love to all.

Paula

My “job” is the most important…

…to me.   It may not seem like the most important job to you, but it is my job, and it is important to me.   Let me explain further.   It may sound like I am coming from ego, but I am not. Everyone that comes here on this planet has a job, much like everyone that… Continue Reading

I am an artist….

I am an artist. I am here to paint. I am here to share my soul. It’s not something I planned, it’s just something that happened. In 2003, I picked up a paintbrush for the first time. No, that is not entirely true. I had painted walls, but never canvas. That was when my life,… Continue Reading

Gaia – Dog with Fleas???

I just spent the most wonderful week with many, many family and friends…..and was able to share with my nieces and nephews (and brother/brother-in-law/and sister) some of my fun, funky metaphors that I use to explain some of my new-found and deeply rooted-in beliefs.  It’s been a long time since I have seen my family. … Continue Reading

About Paula
Raven Shaman