Author Archives: Paula Jones

Big, no, HUGE Rant Post…

Yesterday I posted something that was super hard for me to share. It was very vulnerable, and very much about my process and my lessons. And, believe it or not, I received a comment from someone who doesn’t know me at all, and who obviously did not read my post, chastising me….

Here is the link to yesterday’s post.

This is one of the chastising comments (I actually received TWO!!!).

“Sometimes “non-spiritual” guys accept you for who you are and are fine with you being on your path, whatever that may be. Why judge him before getting to know him first, if you found something about him attractive? Maybe there are other ways to find commonality. Maybe he finds his kind of spirituality in nature, or in a good book, or in eating great food. Sometimes, spiritual guys are assholes also. Just saying. Maybe look at your own judgements here. Then again, maybe it was just meant to be a fleeting moment.”

WTF!!!!

Seriously, did she even READ my blog? If my soul, my journey, my path did not want me to grow in the ways that I am being asked, I, honestly, would have stayed married to my former husband. He was a very good man, just not on a spiritual path.

Look at my own judgement? I KNOW what my path entails….and requires….It is to be with someone spiritual. There is something that I know that I am to do with a spiritual man. Will I settle? NO!!!! I’m happy being alone. Yes, I am so very aware that “non-spiritual” guys will accept me for who I am, and it is NOT judgement to make an observation that someone is not on a spiritual path. It’s no different than a woman saying that she wants a Christian man. My life. My decision.

Plus, if she had actually READ MY BLOG, perhaps she would have read that I made an attempt to get to know him, and all I received was crickets. Kinda hard to get to know someone, when they don’t want to be known.

My post was about my process. It wasn’t about judgement.

I know that I am not perfect….It’s called progress, NOT PERFECTION.

My close friends know that if they see me getting off track, they have my permission to pull out a 2 x 4 and use it if I need it.

So…this is my HUGE rant post. Don’t make frickin judgement comments when you obviously do NOT know my path, and, furthermore, have NOT read my post.

End Rant

Paula

I’ve been procrastinating….

….a lot!!! About writing this. It’s super painful, and over the top vulnerable…and scary AF to share…but, once again, my guides are kinda a-holes about suggesting what I do, and they ALWAYS preface it with “it’s for the collective!!”

Right.

But, they ARE right.

While I was in Taos, I had an opportunity to meet a really nice fella. He was sweet, intelligent, and super sexy. But, one of the BIGGEST things on my list was missing. He was not on a spiritual path.

And yet, I was incredibly interested.

He wanted me to text him my phone number. He wanted to see me when I came back. We kissed….OMG….yup….It was a super magical night.

And then, I did my Mars in Aries thing. I text him how much I enjoyed the night…yada yada yada….only, you guys know, because you know that I love to write, it was not just a simple paragraph. I wanted, no NEEDED, him to like me.

Crickets….

I told myself (because I was beating myself up with a 2 x 4), that if he couldn’t handle me, that he didn’t deserve me. It got me through a few days, until I realized that it was just a story that I was telling myself.

You see, I have some wounding around being rejected. Around not being liked. I would get a bit clingy and needy. Telling myself that I have something “important” to share. Bull S#!T Paula Jean!!! Bull S#!T!!!

For some reason, in the past, I haven’t felt worthy. Unlovable. Maybe from my childhood, perhaps from the guilt that I left my husband. Or a combo of all of the above.

And, this GIGANTAMONDOUS lightbulb went on!!!!!

I have been creating scenerios to fuel that unlovable/unworthy fire. Because it was familiar. But, even more, it allowed me to stay stuck.

This fella that I met in Taos, I met for a reason. I met him so that I could finally get two relatively big lessons…. One, is to NEVER settle. I can’t be with someone who is not spiritual….Lord God, I’d go crazy. Even if he IS sexy.

But, the most important lesson I learned is that, buried down deep was this old programming of unworthiness that had been keeping me stuck. Not allowing me to move forward.

He wasn’t/isn’t my guy. But, he was a fun night, and a key to an essential lesson for me.

Sheet-Fahr and save some damn matches.

Time to face that freaking demon….

I have to tell you….when you face them….they aren’t nearly as scary, as when you are running from them….just sayin…

May We Walk Together As One,

Paula


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About Paula
Raven Shaman