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Confessions of a (almost former) people pleaser

Angel of Harmony (12 x 12)Lord God…we are all being hit with so much right now.  As if all of the hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, and state of our country isn’t enough, we are being asked to step up and into our authentic powerful god/and goddess selves which translates to….well….chaos….which means big change for so many.

Our lessons are coming at such rapidity, that it is discombobulating at times.  Frequently, they seem to come out of nowhere, kinda like being sucker punched.

One of my big lessons this lifetime is learning how “people pleasing” gets me into trouble.   I’m not talking about helping your neighbors, your friends etc…I’m talking about sacrificing who you are or what you believe in so that people won’t think less of you….that kind of thing.

But, in order to look at it, I’ve had to dig down deep to get to the root of WHY I am a people pleasing/conflict avoiding/passive aggressive/no boundary/hate disappointing people sort of person.

Yikes.

My mom had a rough childhood.  Which carried over into her adult life.  I’m not saying she was Mommie Dearest – at all – but, for a highly sensitive, empathic, Cancer little girl – I felt her unhappiness.  I know she did the best that she could (just like all of us), and part of our soul agreement was for our relationship to be less than ideal.

She was not happy…and I tried to make her happy.  Because, to make her happy, helped ease my empathic heart’s pain.

I am finally able to objectively look at the gifts that came out of it.

I’m able to set boundaries now, knowing that they are essential to my well-being.

I know that not everyone is going to like me, so I’m much better off by just being me.

I realize that not everyone is going to understand why I do the things I do and have chosen the path that I have, and I’m making peace with that.

I am approaching conflict differently – asking questions – and trying like hell to not react, instead trying to respond.

It’s a process, that at times is not very pretty, and you all have seen a lot of my external processing the past couple of weeks.

There is no book that came with any of us that said “If you do it this way – you’ll be golden.” Instead, it’s a constant battle of head and heart looking for answers.

I’m finding that if I am quiet and trust my intuition, 99% of the time – it’s good….or at least better.

Although, people in my outer circle’s opinions don’t affect me (as much), I find that I hate disappointing my inner circle.  Which has led to some uncomfortable interactions for me this week.

Growth isn’t pretty, and it is certainly challenging…I’m wearing new skin now, and trying to get comfortable in it.

So, I’m asking you to remember, in your daily interactions, please be mindful of those around you….for they may be fighting a battle that you are completely unaware of.

Blessings to all of you – I honor your courage and conviction to choose your path with integrity and authenticity….it’s the only way we will see change in this world.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

 

 

WTH? Part Two…LOL….(y’all knew it was coming!)

Message of Hope (20 x 30)I received an email and an unsubscribe this morning from a woman who used to baby-sit me as a child…  Her words:  Paula.  I agree with your Christian responder……I am not so versatile in thinking when it comes to religion.  I believe you are either WITH GOD or WITH your own loosey-goosey spiritual plan that you adjust to be what you WANT it to fit your lifestyle.

Which led to a very deep philosophical discussion with one in my inner circle.

This divide and conquer, I’m better than you, you are different than me and I won’t or can’t accept our differences HAS GOT TO QUIT!!!

Not once, have I ever said to someone that my way is THE WAY.  (I should clarify with this – only SINCE I started this journey – however, BEFORE I did, I have to admit – there was a ton of judgment on my part!)

I have been thankful for the Christian people who have posted on my page – I don’t see your art in my home, but, who am I to deny you the right to paint what you are being drawn to paint…etc etc….and all of the private messages saying basically the same thing.  These people are the ones that truly understand what it is to call yourself a Christian, and I am so very grateful.  We have agreed to disagree, and respect each other’s journeys, without being in judgment of those who are following THEIR calling.

This is what gives me faith in humanity.  Those who are able to walk their talk authentically and from integrity.

We are all in this together…we all have the choice to accept one another….or not….

BUT, I’m here to tell you, that until we start seeing our similarities, rather than our differences, NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE!!!

We go to war “in the name of God”.  We persecute people “in the name of God”.  Rather than seeing each other as human….

It is ludicrous.

Remember this people:

Smiles look the same….

Joy feels the same…..

Laughter sounds the same….

No matter

What

Language

Race

Or Religion.

Drop mic.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

PS – I am making a conscious decision not to respond to this email…I don’t feel the need to engage with her.  I know my path, (although, I have to admit – it hits my “I want to fit in and make everyone happy” wound, and therefore I need to explain to you my side…but….no….)

I’m EXCITED!!!

And scared. (This was written BEFORE I WENT TO CHICAGO – so it’s a tad outdated!) I’ve gone through several fairly significant changes for the past three months.   I’ve had time to really reflect on what is important. Who I am. Why I am here. I guess I’m really here to be me. Sounds simple…Continue Reading

Comforting the Disturbed….

…..and disturbing the comfortable. It’s not for the faint of heart.  It’s a special calling for a few artists whose soul and higher self begs for them to create art along with messages that are controversial. And particularly challenging for those artists who are susceptible and worry about what others think, because of their wounding,…Continue Reading

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