Confessions of a (almost former) people pleaser

Angel of Harmony (12 x 12)Lord God…we are all being hit with so much right now.  As if all of the hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, and state of our country isn’t enough, we are being asked to step up and into our authentic powerful god/and goddess selves which translates to….well….chaos….which means big change for so many.

Our lessons are coming at such rapidity, that it is discombobulating at times.  Frequently, they seem to come out of nowhere, kinda like being sucker punched.

One of my big lessons this lifetime is learning how “people pleasing” gets me into trouble.   I’m not talking about helping your neighbors, your friends etc…I’m talking about sacrificing who you are or what you believe in so that people won’t think less of you….that kind of thing.

But, in order to look at it, I’ve had to dig down deep to get to the root of WHY I am a people pleasing/conflict avoiding/passive aggressive/no boundary/hate disappointing people sort of person.

Yikes.

My mom had a rough childhood.  Which carried over into her adult life.  I’m not saying she was Mommie Dearest – at all – but, for a highly sensitive, empathic, Cancer little girl – I felt her unhappiness.  I know she did the best that she could (just like all of us), and part of our soul agreement was for our relationship to be less than ideal.

She was not happy…and I tried to make her happy.  Because, to make her happy, helped ease my empathic heart’s pain.

I am finally able to objectively look at the gifts that came out of it.

I’m able to set boundaries now, knowing that they are essential to my well-being.

I know that not everyone is going to like me, so I’m much better off by just being me.

I realize that not everyone is going to understand why I do the things I do and have chosen the path that I have, and I’m making peace with that.

I am approaching conflict differently – asking questions – and trying like hell to not react, instead trying to respond.

It’s a process, that at times is not very pretty, and you all have seen a lot of my external processing the past couple of weeks.

There is no book that came with any of us that said “If you do it this way – you’ll be golden.” Instead, it’s a constant battle of head and heart looking for answers.

I’m finding that if I am quiet and trust my intuition, 99% of the time – it’s good….or at least better.

Although, people in my outer circle’s opinions don’t affect me (as much), I find that I hate disappointing my inner circle.  Which has led to some uncomfortable interactions for me this week.

Growth isn’t pretty, and it is certainly challenging…I’m wearing new skin now, and trying to get comfortable in it.

So, I’m asking you to remember, in your daily interactions, please be mindful of those around you….for they may be fighting a battle that you are completely unaware of.

Blessings to all of you – I honor your courage and conviction to choose your path with integrity and authenticity….it’s the only way we will see change in this world.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

 

 

2 Responses to Confessions of a (almost former) people pleaser

  1. Thank you for expressing what I could not so eloquently. I am also wearing a new skin and one thing I realized is that this new skin is thin as of yet! My old skin had big callouses and some heavy scars that, while not attractive, they were a bit of extra armor. The new skin will developed it’s own scars over time too, but the wounds are in different places now so they are felt a bit more keenly. It is part of the shedding and growing process, and change is the only constant but we are the greatest adaptors in the animal kingdom except for those space bugs. Those guys are just amazing, but not terribly social. Deep breath, hold hands and keep being fabulous,

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