I’m writing a book. Period.

shadesofgray50Dayum Gina….  Now I’ve said it out loud.  To all who care to read this post.   DAYUM!!!  Sheet Fahr and save matches!   And Hells Bells.   Okay.  Ya’ll get the picture.   I’ve gotten the message for a while and have resisted the urge, mostly because I didn’t know what to do, how to do it, or where to get the information.  OR, actually, what my exactly message was or is to be.   But, as the mysterious Universe (or God, or Spirit…or whatever you believe in) frequently works….If you are supposed to do something….It will be shown to you.

And, MAN, have I gotten signs!!!   Many many dreams.   Many many messages from others…And then, just like what happened when I started on my spiritual journey, many started showing up to help (ok – PUSH) me along.   “BUT”, I whined-loudly, because that’s how I roll, “It’s gonna take a lot of work!”   And, in comes someone else to PUSH AND PROD me along.   DAMN’T!!!!   Ok… so this is my story.

It’s not unique… in fact…it’s probably much more common and ordinary than most of us know, or care to admit. I think that’s the key. Right there. It’s more ordinary. It is, however, unique to me, in that I have chosen to share this story to become completely transparent to let you know that you aren’t alone… you aren’t alone in your experiences, in how you think or feel, or what niggling little voice keeps you up at night.  At least to me.   I am unique in that I feel the need to share….to share something that is very hard for me to admit and to share… But it is my dream, that by exposing myself, you will simply know that you aren’t alone.

It’s not pretty.   In fact…it’s quite ugly.  At least to me.  It’s how I have searched for self-love through out my lifetime.  And what I have come to understand about my journey and my process.  But, for some reason that I am somewhat unaware of, I am being called to write this very transparent  story.   Being filleted for all to see.   I have no secrets.  I done shit that I am ashamed of.  And I’ve done stuff that I am proud of.   And, I’ve had courage to do some things that many just WISH they had the courage to do.

I feel like I have been given such a gift of financial security,….that I am to write this… a story about trying to find love… only to have it elusively escape every time…because I wasn’t looking in the right place.

Because I KNOW…deep down inside of me….at my very core…..that self-love….love of oneself….will heal the world.   If one loves oneself….. unconditionally…..it translates…..to love of everyone.

 

Love to all

 

Paula

 

 

 

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