There are times in everyone’s life when they question. Everything. There are times of fear and despair. There are just times when you question.
For me, I know (now) that these are times to go within and be introspective. Time to paint. Time to be good to myself. Time to work things out in my head. And my heart. Time to let come through me what is supposed to come through me.
I’m lucky, and blessed because I can paint through these times. And, if I am gentle with myself, (rather than beating myself up), the answers come. They come on canvas.
We tend to think that if we are in one of these spots that somehow that makes us flawed. I look (NOW) at these times as gifts. I try, (sometimes it is difficult) to look at them as times of growth and change. I try, (again, difficult) to see these times as time to readjust something in my life that is not authentic.
Why did my stomach go into knots? Why did I feel such a visceral response? Why did it make me want to run and hide? Why did it make me want to go back into victim mode?
This time, I decided to paint through it. Which I have in the past, but never knowing that, given space and time, that the answers would come.
We all have darkness. We all have fear. We all have parts of ourselves that we try to hide from the world. We think that being spiritual means being “up” all the time.
After doing my shamanic journey’s, I have found, that sometimes, the answers are in the darkness. We try to run from it, choosing not to face what is there, rather than looking at it as a gift.
It’s scary as hell to face one’s crap…..however, the most beautiful lotus flower grows in the muck.
This painting represents what I felt last night, as I choose to BE in the darkness, relax, and allow. It may disturb some, and it may make others feel as though they are not alone.
Whatever it makes you feel…..I’m glad, I can make you feel.
There is beauty in the darkness, when there is no fear.