Ever. Did I ever think I could be this happy and content. I can honestly say, that I really thought I wouldn’t make it this long. Life….was painful for me. As I write this, I recall, the inner turmoil I went through. And, I projected it out onto others. I blamed. I was a victim. I was angry. I pointed fingers at others for my misfortunes and my unhappiness.
I have come to understand along this magical path, this mystical journey, that the cause of all of my unhappiness and discontent was plain and simply caused because:
I DIDN’T LOVE MYSELF!!!
Plain and simple. AND, oh so frickin hard. I believe it is the greatest gift that we can give to ourselves. To take the time to go within to really, really love ourselves. There are some that believe that it is selfish. To take time. To allow ourselves to break apart totally….to come back together. To crack open so wide that the light gets in. To experience the emotional, and sometimes physical pain that it takes to get to a place of complete self acceptance. To let everything that is no longer authentic to our path fall away. AND THAT is one of the hardest things to do. To let go of beliefs that no longer serve us, even tho they are comfortable. It means having the courage to go into that deep darkest place inside of us where the wounds are and debriding completely the initial wound that has festered for years causing scab upon scab to cover up our pain.
Sometimes it’s one incident….sometimes it is incident upon incident causing big keloids (hey, I’m a nurse, and sometimes I resort to what I know, understand and can describe with analogies!) The problems and issues happen when we continually push these things to the bottom…..like they aren’t important. But, I assure you, the most important thing you can do for yourself, is look the issues in the eye… and realize that all they need is a little love, compassion, and attention. (see Sometimes….it’s just a Chihuahua!)
This….is what my book is about. It’s about my journey. My crazy search to find me. The mistakes (although I prefer to call them learning experiences!), I’ve made along the way. It’s gonna be transparent… and perhaps a bit messy. Like life. It’s not all pretty and fun. I’ve found that the ugly parts, make the beautiful parts…well, more beautiful. It’s the contrast. How do you know how blue the sky can be, until you have seen the darkness? Or, how do you know a good singer, unless you have heard a bad one? And what I have discovered. Why I believe it is the MOST important thing to do to heal the world. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!!!
I believe it will almost write itself. Because, it’s my experience. And MOO (My opinion only!). It’s my journey. My stories. Although, I think that many of you will relate. It is my hope that by sharing my story, you will find the courage to share yours. Or at least connect to what I have to say.
Love you all… so much….so much more, now that I have found myself. Unconditionally.
Paula
