No desire to paint…

I hope that, soon, it goes away. Feels like a major transition.

I know there is one coming as far as how I sell and market my paintings, that message was crystal clear when I was at Sundance and Chaco Canyon. More on the realm of conscious consumerism….If I am going to talk the talk, I had best go all in and walk the walk….as uncomfortable as it will be for me, because it is REALLY outside of the box….as a matter of a fact, no box is even in SIGHT!

Back to the lack of desire….I know that when I feel this way (and I have in the past, but, always very short lived, and never this intense), eventually it dissipates. You see, one of the things that I have had many aha’s about during my career, is that I HAVE TO PAINT FROM MY SOUL! Period! End of story!!!!! Every time I paint to “sell” (which isn’t in alignment with my soul contract), crap-ola hits the fan!!!

I see so many extremely gifted artists fall prey to “keeping up with the Jones'” syndrome. And, it hurts my heart. On the flip side obviously, there are many talented and gifted artists that are in alignment with who they are, also.

I just can’t keep up with the Jones’ anymore. It wears deeply on my soul. I have to be true to me. Again, practicing what I am preaching, in a deeper manner than I thought I would ever have to (because, duh, vulnerable…..yikes!) – but, in the dark recesses of my soul, the fears are slowly being coaxed out. Like the little girl who deeply desires to be loved, and is so afraid of being laughed at and not taken seriously. Of not fitting in, even though when she did she was miserable. She MUCH preferred hanging with her pets, in her garden, or on the piano. She didn’t care what others thought about her when she was doing something that she loved to do. Something that came through her soul.

So, I don’t have any desire to paint right now. Perhaps I am just integrating everything that I learned (and am still learning) from my week in Red Valley, AZ, at Sundance Ceremony, AND, I KNOW that I will be processing what happened at Chaco Canyon for quite some time. Someone from my not too distant past was there….and I’m still in the dark about the reason….but, unlike my normal “pattern”, I’m breaking it, and just allowing it to come through.

I’m going to make a NO TOLERANCE boundary. Please refrain from saying “Oh, it’s just a phase.” I know that it will trigger my guilt button, and perhaps, those of you that feel the need to say it, may be uncomfortable with others who are in limbo. I don’t pretend to know. All I am asking is that you refrain. I’m just trying to sit with it. Allow it to work through me. Trying not to make it something that it isn’t. Letting go and letting GUS.

However, there are big plans in the works about how to reconnoiter (LOVE THAT WORD) my business. I have a plethora (THIS WORD IS MY FAVORITIST), of finished original paintings that are ready to find their homes. I have EXTREMELY clear guidance about this, and how I am to execute. It will take using the side of my brain that I don’t frequent too often, so, it may take a while…or not…

Blessings to you all….I’m honored for the role that you are playing for us all.

Paula

6 Responses to No desire to paint…

  1. Evolution, change, growing……
    It’s all good ….
    don’t necessarily question why but instead enjoy the why not?
    The journey is worth the ride.

  2. Exactly… I find it so strange that even when I asked for no how to “fix it” comments, someone was moved to “fix it”

  3. Paula, sharing your journey with such honesty … acknowledging your angst, your uncertainty but willingness to have faith that you will be presented with what is necessary for your perfect dance with Creator… ahhhh Thank you for this glimmer of possibilities

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