Saying “I do”

Transfiguration (48 x 48)
Transfiguration

Saying “I do” to a spiritual journey is one of the most rewarding and challenging decisions one can ever make.  It opens you up to all of your wounds and patterns that have not served you well, and causes you to look deep within and dig up old “ick” that, quite honestly, is very painful.

Because, doing so, makes you examine closely why you have behaved a certain way in the past to certain triggers, alienating people, hurting people, but ultimately, how you punish yourself for all of your transgressions.

I can see why people choose to stay asleep…It is so much easier (but, NOT as rewarding!!), to continue to cover up and not look at your why’s.

Most of the time I choose to look deeper, I go through self-flagellation.  How could I have been so ________? (You fill in the blank.)  How could I have hurt the ones I love so deeply?

The majority of MY answers go back to my wounding.  What I did to survive as a highly sensitive child and Empath.  My walls and survival techniques were the only way that I knew.  It’s what I was taught.  It’s all I knew.  However, I know that with each step of the journey, I get so much closer to loving myself.  Completely.  Flaws, warts and all.  Which allows me to have compassion and love for others.

Am I always able to show that love and compassion towards others?  Oh, HELL no!   Because, I am the world’s greatest beater upper of myself.

I am learning that most of my suffering has come from my lack of boundaries.  Because I am an Empath and HSP, and because of how I was raised (and I’m guessing a lot of you were raised this way), I did not see the problems that this caused…UNTIL I DID!!!!!

Now, to put into practice what I have and am learning.

Boundary setting is hard.

You will piss people off who are used to being able to walk all over you.  You will lose friends, and in some cases, family members.   You will make mistakes, because this is all new to you.  DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!   Please know that you will make mistakes.  This is all unchartered territory.  Communicate.  Be vulnerable.  Communicate.  Take responsibility. Communicate.  (Have I said that enough?)

I am honored and delighted to be working with (AND, she is a dear, dear friend), someone who is helping me create my own container.  My boundaries.  Brooke Tatum, of Fierce Empath has helped me see how the majority of my triggers, and wounding has come from the lack of boundaries.  Brene Brown talks about it frequently, as does Christiane Northrup.   For those of us who were raised without boundaries – it’s eye opening. And, once your eyes are opened – the lessons and tests will come.   Trust me on this.  People will be taken aback, and wonder why you have changed.  You will question if it is all worth it.  I know I have.  It’s worth it.  I think…  LOL….

I am making mistakes, because this is all new to me….but, being able to say I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior, nor will I listen to you yell at me, is actually kind of empowering.

Please know that you are not alone.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

 

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