Here I am, the night before Thanksgiving, cooking the stuffing, thawing the turkey, planning the menu, (at least that part hasn’t changed), in Taos, New Mexico. A new world for me. A new life. Lots of changes in the last 4 years. I first separated from Michael 4 years ago. I knew it was something that I needed to do, but I had no idea why. Since then it has become clear, sometimes as clear as mud, sometimes crystal clear. It’s been hard, it’s been easy, it just has been what it has been.
I left my family, I left my friends, I left my children, I left my hometown. I left everything familiar, I moved to an area of the United States that was very different from Kansas. The population in the very small town I was from was primarily Caucasian, Republican, very hard working wonderful people. And I moved to Taos, New Mexico. Hmmmm…..big, big change. And, I started finding new family. One by one….they came into my life. With messages, with offers of help, with unconditional love. Total unconditional love. I fell apart, they were there. I was happy, they were there. I cooked ….of course they were there!! I laughed, cried, ran the gamut of emotions, and they were still there.
I apologized to a friend the other day for falling apart again…..and she reminded me…”When you’re happy, I love you. When you are sad, I love you. When you have had no sleep and are irrational, I love you. I will always love you. Because you are always you – and I love you!” Wow….
I’ve learned about the Dao, Sweat Lodges, Native American Sundances, Buddhism, UFO’s, ET’s, The IChing, Peace, Astrology, Tarot, anything metaphysical or spiritual. I’ve devoured as much information as I possibly could. I read books by don Miquel Ruiz, Abraham-Hicks, Gregg Braden, and Louise Hay. I believe that love is the answer. I believe in peace. I believe the world as we know it is getting better.
I am a bit homesick. I have my son Kit here with me, and will have many over tomorrow to eat (cuz I love to cook). But, I am homesick. I miss Kansas. I miss the familiar. I miss my daughter. Some days I miss my old life. Ninety percent of the time, I’m doing pretty good. Ten percent of the time I am insecure. It’s an improvement. It just used to be 10% feeling good, and 90% freaking out. I’ve moved forward. A lot. I don’t give myself much credit for the forward movement. But, I have. I can get out of bed most days. And that is good. I don’t spend evenings in my bathtub with a bottle of wine crying….wondering if I made a mistake or not. I don’t feel guilty because of the “shoulds” as much anymore. As my son told me the other day, “Screw society, mom. Who are you living for?” I know I have moved to Taos for a reason.
……and many of them are coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner. I love my new life, my new family, my New World.
I am Thankful to be here at this time.
Much love to all.