The Blues

warrior
Warrior

They come.  They go.  The blues.  Sometime with varying degrees of intensity.   I know that it’s normal.   I used to RUN away from the blues.  Or waller in it.  All great techniques of avoidance.

I’ve learned more about myself in the past month, because I have chosen consciously to face myself.   My demons.  My little girl that was so damaged, and afraid.  Just like I learned on my Ayahuasca journey – there is no way out, but to walk through the fire.   It didn’t kill me, but it gave me so much insight.  It’s the fighting it that is the scary part.  And wore my ass out.

I’m very committed (or as I have said in the past – I should be committed) to my spiritual path.  My journey.   To learning as much as I possibly can this lifetime, as well as being as authentic to myself as I can.   Without judgement.  Knowing that I am doing the absolute best that I can every moment that I am in.  And forgiving myself for my missteps.

It’s not about just reading one book and adopting everything in that book.   It’s about becoming a seeker for my truth.   What resonates in one, may not resonate in another.   There may be bits and pieces from one, and the whole damn book from another.

It’s a commitment.

Yes, I have strayed….I have believed that it’s not as important as I thought it was.   I thought it made me the odd ball out.  I thought people looked at me like I have a third eye (btw – I do!!!).

And, on this path – the blues show up.   It’s not always fairies, unicorns farting glitter, or all namaste.   Maybe, eventually, I’ll get there, but for right now, I’m going with what is presented to me.

I think it’s important to honor your own path.

If that means, taking a day off to really LOOK at why you have the blues, then by all means do it.   I promise there is some good juicy stuff there.

I’ve been going to therapy – something I can’t really afford – but – my inside voice said – you can’t afford not to.  It’s time Paula Jean.   It’s time to heal that wounded little girl inside, that shame core, that has “protected” you forever.

It’s time to cut yourself some slack and be less judgmental against yourself.

You know, the oddest thing happened when I did that.

“I” became less judgmental against others.

I had compassion for myself.   Real compassion.  And I found it flowed out to others.

WHOA!!!

Big AHA!!!

I’m an intuitive painter.  I’m a spiritual warrior.  I am a mother and Mimi.  I love having long conversations with people about anything that has to do with this journey.   I don’t apologize for my “different than most” opinions or beliefs – as much as I used to.   If it makes me crazy in some people’s eyes – well then – so be it.

However, the one thing that I know about my path, is that my “coming out” spiritually, allows others to come out also.

I can’t help but be grateful for the past, excited about the future, and present in the NOW…

Much love,

Paula

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