Totally outside of my comfort zone

Once again, I seem to have gone missing.

As many of you are aware of, I have moved (which is a story all by itself, but we all have moving horror stories now, don’t we??!), I had to make an unplanned trip to Taos to reclaim Esperanza (my home there), and have met an incredible person who is challenging me….in a good way.   He is asking me to be seen.

No more hiding in my shell with this beautiful soul.   Which, for me is such a learned response and habit, that it is scary to be asked to step out into the light.

We were talking the other night, and some of the things he said to me made me run and hide…which I did…for about an hour.  And, I realized that if I wanted the outcome to be different, that I had to change my behavior.

Big deep breath.

And another.

I started this painting….to help me work through what I was thinking and feeling…

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And the words came to help me along…

The start of something totally different for me. Totally scary and completely outside of my safe …well kinda…little box.

I grow and change in my artwork… Because my life grows and changes.

Who I am changes.

What I believe in changes.

It may turn out to be a piece of shit…or it may turn out to be a masterpiece…

But I won’t know until I try.

Will I? ?

Wow…Does my life and my art intersect THAT deeply?
Yes…
More words…and more work on the painting.
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 She is far from finished…but the important thing about this painting…

Is that I’m stretching…

Growing…

pushing my limits…

going outside of my comfort zone.

Whether or not it ends up a masterpiece…

Or total crap is irrelevant.

What a lot of people don’t know about artists…is that we all…ok…maybe an exaggeration…desire to explore, and push our limits.

To share this process w you all, is beyond scary for me.

Especially something new.

Something foreign.

Something outside of my current abilities.

Holy Shit.  Everything that was happening in my life was reflecting in my painting and in my words.   I can’t expect different results if I was not willing to change how I am.
Did I, do I want this person in my life perhaps permanently?    I had to sit back and ask myself that question…and the answer didn’t take long.
Yes.  He is different.  He deserves total honesty…WE deserve total honesty.  And transparency.
And so, was I willing to talk about what was going on inside my little monkey mind?
Of course…because I feel the risk is worth it.  Regardless of what happens in the future, we owe it to each other to be completely open and honest to set a good foundation.  Scary as it may seem…not just to me, but to him also.   We both have pasts that have shaped how we react to certain situations…
And then this…                                Outside of her comfort zone.
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Lots in my life has changed lately.

New home.

Home in Taos needed love.

Representation in the UK.

Incredible friends coming, and some exiting.

Tons of lessons…

And I felt like it was or is time to push myself further than I am comfortable with…if there are so many changes…why not extend them into all areas of my life?

It’s just paint…and it’s just canvas…and experimentation…. Just like my life is right now.

Life is change..it’s the only constant.

Might as well roll with the punches.

And make incredible art….

How do we grow unless we are willing to take risks?
How indeed…
Much love,
Paula

2 Responses to Totally outside of my comfort zone

  1. I thought I would let you know that for whatever reason (I don’t know why) In the email I received with this lovely Blog, the pictures did not show up. Anyway. Nice blog, painting looks great! <3 Kara

    • hey sweetness….thank you… I think that there is an option to click up above if you want the pics to download. It comes that way to my email also…

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About Paula