Twelve and a half years….

There is love
There is Love

….I’ve been painting.  It seems like yesterday when I had my first lesson from my best friend who worked with me at KU Med Center as a nurse, and then, she turned all artistic on me!!!   I was remodeling houses at the time, and had an old plaster ceiling fall on my head, to which her response was, “You are going to kill yourself or get hurt doing this.  Come and take a lesson with me!”

I did.

Little did I know what “being” an artist was, nor how it would change my life.

It’s the only job (other than being a parent) that I have done in my life when I don’t wonder when quitting time is – actually, there is NO quitting time, because being an artist encompasses every aspect of my life.  It’s not just what I do, it is who I am!

I know that I am “connected” when I lose track of time, forget to eat and shower (ewwwww!)!

I started painting landscapes, then cows, chickens and pigs, after that I did the obligatory fruit, then felt the call to paint abstracts.   All along fighting.  And wondering why I was painting, as well as what my purpose was in the world.   I had a major AHA moment at one point and started painting angels, ethereal beings and figures, but I was told by another artist whom I respected at the time, that they weren’t “good enough”.   Maybe they weren’t, or maybe it was just her opinion, but I stopped.

Only to be called back again to paint them.

I have learned so much throughout my years of painting.   I’ve learned the rules, and how to break them.   I’ve learned that “I” have to trust what I am being led to paint, without listening to what someone else “thinks” I “should” paint.   I’ve learned to trust my intuition.

I’ve learned that not all gurus have your best interest at heart.   I’ve learned to make mistakes, and how to make them an integral part of the painting.  I’ve learned that not everyone is going to be moved by what I paint. And that THAT is OK.   I’ve learned to let go of needing people’s approval.

I’ve gained self-confidence and self-love.   I’ve gained respect for myself and my “craft”.

I paint angels.  I love painting them.  Occasionally I still feel “weird” about saying that, but I know that is what I am supposed to be painting.

They come in with messages – mostly about love….AND, I feel weird about sharing that with you all.   But, it’s my truth.  I’ve done a lot of work, and spent a lot of money on therapy to realize that only I can be me, and it’s not up to anyone else to tell me how to be, AND, to not listen to what they have to say.

Finally, I feel as though I am content being me.  I am happy in my life and I don’t rely on anyone else to “make” me happy.

About frickin’ time.

Blessings…

Paula

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