Deeply Personal AHA

…That I feel drawn to share….It’s pretty vulnerable….but, a fairly large breakthrough.

A friend of mine (A) was sharing a story about a mutual friend (B) who is dating a multitude of women right now….the friend’s comment was basically “More power to him!”.

I was triggered.  (And probably not in the way that you are thinking)

And rather than get defensive or reactive – I asked questions – because I KNEW there had to be something deep in this…FOR ME….and that it might not be fun.

Even though A sees a pattern in B – B hates women – dates a lot of women – numbs his pain with a LOT of alcohol – gets used and taken advantage of – then when B and the women break up – B whines and complains about the women – RINSE AND REPEAT – A doesn’t feel the need to say anything. (not sure if it is some kind of guy thing – or what.)

Which really made me curious.

REALLY curious.

What about this triggered me so deeply?

But, of course, I started with the obvious.  Why wouldn’t A say anything to B?  A felt I was being judgy, but, I really wanted to get to the bottom of this…and I felt safe asking those questions.  We went back and forth.  Basically ending with A stating he feels no need to say something, and me still up in the air about it.


So – I went to one of my two bestie’s that always helps me process.


There it was.

I did the same thing that B did.


Always dating one person or another – allowing myself to be taken advantage of – monetarily in most cases – culminating in a type of a date rape situation a few years ago.

And why???

Because I didn’t feel worthy.

And so I allowed it.

Anything was better than nothing.


Until…..My friend with the 2 x 4 asked – WHY THE F___ do you do this??

She asked the hard question.

Which I will be forever grateful for.

I did the same thing that B did – BUT – I had someone who cared about me ask the hard question – and changed my life because of it – that’s why it triggered me so deeply.

I realize that if I were given the opportunity – I would probably ask B the same question – in a different way – and knowing that he may or may not hear me – BECAUSE of how grateful I am that 2 x 4 woman cared enough about me to point out that patterning that leaves you banging your head against the wall – constantly wondering because you can’t see your forest for your trees.

We are all so different.

I feel the need to ask the hard questions.

Some don’t.

And it’s all just perfectly orchestrated.

May We Walk Together As One.




One Response to Deeply Personal AHA

  1. It bothers me that there’s no “like” button! Haha. We keep living things until we learn the lessons. Some people never do. Thank you for sharing this.

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