And that is an understatement…. Discernment is key…..
So, y’all kinda know my story over the past couple of years….Quite a shit ton of learning opportunities have been graciously handed to me…
I think the latest one has been the most challenging. I always knew I would find myself in a “twin flame” type of relationship. It’s the type of relationship that cannot go forward unless both people make a commitment to fully heal. Less than 10 days after I had my surgery….that relationship entered into my life. I knew that it would be a challenge and an opportunity for so much growth.
I was excited and trepidatious. After all, I’ve been on this journey long enough to know what it would entail…..
He was present for me in a way that I can’t describe… I had doctor’s appointments, scans etc, and he went with me. I had so many problems eating, and he helped me figure out what tasted good, etc. And, as he went through a few health issues, I was there for him also.
There were differences in our beliefs, but, I KNEW we would/could overcome them. His faith had lapsed due to personal reasons…and I had more than enough in my journey for both of us.
We broke up. Got back together. Broke up. Got back together….yada yada yada. All typical of a twin flame relationship. Going through those dark nights is essential, but not fun.
Every time it happened, I learned more about what was important to me and my journey.
Shortly after our last breakup – I received a phone call…..”I’m in the hospital with a lower GI bleed.”
Shit shit shit.
On the way to KC I received a vision……He was going to have a close to death experience. I text it to a soul sister who knows my world. Two days later….it happened. I knew I was supposed to be there to make sure that he didn’t go, because it wasn’t his time. I also knew that he would be presented with an opportunity for personal growth.
I also knew, because of all of the VERY LOUD AND CLEAR messages from my guides, that I could have NOTHING…NO THING to do with what he chose. NOTHING!!!!
Really tough for me, and I realized I had some control issues…but, if I was to honor the remainder of our soul contract, I must do it. I’ve been a very good manipulator in the past, and it was time to let that go.
I was instructed to show him the text, and then release the outcome.
He chose.
He chose what was familiar and comfortable to him, and makes him feel safe. Man, do I every get it. Do I have to like it???? Hell no.
This week of being sleeted and iced in has forced me to really, really get serious with myself….SHIT….I knew at the beginning of the week, I’d have to face some big ole frickin demons…and I put it off as much as I could…but, I can only run(slide) so far right now.
He is everything…..WELL….almost everything on my list. And, I’m maturing, and the time we spent together was, for the most part, a beautiful communion of two souls who came together for…hmmmm….a reason, a season, or a lifetime?
Except for that one thing that I have been adamant about since I started on this journey…..a wide and varied spiritual path….the kind that gifts one with wisdom, clarity and compassion.
I love him. He loves me.
But, and it’s insurmountable at the moment, that ONE thing that I said I would never ever compromise on…..A spiritual path, and the knowledge of why I refer to GUS rather than God….
So, he’s my greatest temptation….and I’m betting he would tell you the exact same thing.
I have itchy “let me help you, please” tendencies that are clawing relentlessly, and yet, I’m listening….I have much to do, and bringing in more light is a large part of it, and his soul knows that all it would take from him is a crack in the door…..which he’s not willing to do….and I am ever so grateful for…
I’m not all peachy keen emotionally….I allow tears to flow….anger to come out….and then, I’m rewarded with a beautiful realization that this is the way it was/is meant to be….and I’m so indebted to this beautiful soul for catapulting me on my path….
Please remind me of this moment, when I have a moment of “WTF did I just do???!!!”
Love to you all.
Paula
