I know something big is coming.
I’m like a cat on a hot tin roof…..or a……whore in church.
I can’t relax.
I want to tear my hair out.
I’m not comfy in my body, and I want to get out. I know it will pass, but I want to capture the feeling that is here NOW.
When I used to get like this, all I could think about was checking out and how much more peaceful it would be….that was of course BEFORE I knew that if you DO succeed in checking yourself out that you get to come back and repeat that lesson. Not happening….just sayin’.
Much easier to get through it now…..after all, I am pretty sure I am on the other side of the middle of my life. So, THAT is growth. AND, I CAN see that the other side will be so much brighter….which is comforting….but, not happening soon enough.
Fifteen minutes of pacing….moving one thing to another place and back again. A bit of mindless cleaning. My bathrooms have never been cleaner. (Yes, the stools also!!)
You know, something about writing it down, has helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel even clearer. Yes, the feeling of change coming is still there. But, there is something else starting to niggle at the back of my neck.
What if this is the way it’s supposed to be? What if one part of this lesson is about truly trusting my own intuition. My own. No one else’s. Mine. I’m good about trusting my intuition when I’m in certain circumstances, but frequently, I can’t see my own forest for my trees…ya know???!!!
I’m in the dead center of my second Saturn Return – Happens only every 30 years, and it’s a chance to break old patterns. The Saturn return often creates a crisis that puts you face-to-face with your fears. A chance to move forward without baggage. If it doesn’t happen now, then I have 30 more years of being hit in the head with 2 x 4’s trying to learn the lesson, but without the assistance of Saturn. I don’t know about you, but, my self-demeaning, self-demoralizing, and just not feeling good enough days have got to end.
I’m having to look at shit that I really DO know that I have, but, have stuffed down rather deep.
The IChing says: chaos is another name for opportunity. Right now, I want to scream “BULL SHIT!”, but, I know it’s true.
Listening to the doubts of my Monkey Mind (with the assistance of Saturn) is bringing on the breakdown before the breakthrough.
So yeah, I guess a big change is coming. One that I have needed for a long time. (Oh – about 60 years is all.) I know that things work out exactly as they are supposed to….and actually, now, towards the end of my blog, I can say that I am rather excited. How wonderful to finally shed that which is no longer needed, nor serves me well.
Time to fully step into who I am.
I am a quirky, eclectic, visionary intuitive artist, and author. I live to paint and write the visions and messages I receive, and consider it an honor to be able to do so without too much hesitation (THAT is one of the things I am working on – fully stepping into “why” I am here!)
I love my children, son in law and grandson with a fierceness that I couldn’t understand until now.
I am blessed beyond words, and this too shall pass.