I wrote my last blog on Dec. 23rd…2013 (not 2012…although it feels like years since I have written ANYTHING!). I shared with all of you about my “coming out spiritually”, and how scary it was…or is for me. BUT, (and it’s a big one), since then my life has become even MORE magical. Because I have chosen to step into me.
It hasn’t been easy….in fact….it has caused quite a bit of anxiety. Numerous reasons for the anxiety, but the main one. “Will everyone like what I am doing? Or will they just think I am crazy?”
As someone who has always relied on others decide how to feel about myself – this has been a huge hurdle. One I have knocked over several times rather than clearing it.
So, I’ve done what several do who are in this position do…I’ve asked for guidance. Guidance, clarity, and confirmation. In words that others might use…I have prayed. And the answers have come fast and furious. From the angels or Beings themselves. In the form of my intuition and messages that come in at unexpected times.
The first message was….” We don’t have to ‘look’ like what anyone else has done, because we are coming through YOU, Paula. We chose you to create us. Yes, there are others that create some like us, but you are the one we chose specifically to create US!” Wow…hmmmm…..ummmmm….the doubt was still there. But there was less.
The second was during a workshop with Jeanne Bessette when, during our critiquing session, Jeanne chose to play some music…music that could not have been more spirit driven. It totally had the “essence” of the Beings that I am creating. It was powerful music, filling the room with an intensity that could not be described. I’m not sure if there was a dry eye in the room. I KNEW they were present because I could feel them.
The third BIG ONE…was when I asked (prayed) for a sign that they were with me. I went to my card deck that I had purchased from Jeanne…and drew Hope. Hope…Anticipated Hope…Which is why I am here…. Holy Hells Bells Batman!
I have stated many many times since “waking up” that my spiritual path and growth is the most important thing in the world to me. Stepping into, and having the courage to do what it is I have come here to do this lifetime, in spite of what others “may” think about me, is a priority to me. I am devoted to being the best “lightworker” I can be. If that means being uncomfortable, then so be it. I have to do it in an authentic manner for me. Sometimes, that means, I’ll lose friends…but that makes way for new ones. Sometimes, it means that people won’t like me because of my beliefs, or….better yet, they will think I am crazier than a loon. But, they will remember me, and perhaps someday, they will understand, or a lightbulb will go on and they will know why I have done what I did.
I do this because I have to.
Every time I try to do what I am doing just for the income, it backfires. EVERY TIME!
And, so…it’s time for the free fall…I have a feeling….it’s gonna be the ride of my life!
Time for trust, authenticity, and for Hope…that my wings grow and I soar.