Tag Archives: soul

Compared to WHAT? (Thanks JBL!!)

A Higher Power (24 x 24)This has been coming up a lot lately for me, and, many others.  Especially with artists.

We compare.

“My work isn’t as good as ____’s!”  And, “OMG, she is such a fabulous artist, I’ll never be able to be as successful as HER!!”.

Well, I’m gonna tell you (AND, MYSELF!!)  STOP!!!!!

We are all here to do, and be who we are.  We are all here to fulfill our soul contract.

THAT, has taken me a long time to figure out.  Because I always wanted to fit in and for people to understand AND, like me.  Being an intuitive, visionary artist is somewhat out of the ordinary.  My thought process around “those sort of people” used to be – “Please, just put them in a straight jacket and take them AWAY!”.

I have compared, and gone to that darkness – A LOT!  Why can’t I get the same results as XYZ?  I have painted for almost 14 years now, and I am still (occasionally) “shoulding” all over myself.  I’m here to tell you that I am, more often than not, able to put a stop to those thoughts – after I examine them and know why they are coming up.

My style has changed.  A LOT.  Because I have changed.  A LOT!!!!!  And, this thought (along with messages from my guides – who are generally right!), occurred to me after a period of extreme darkness.  What if this style, these messages are essential to the change in some collectors’ life?  What if, by painting what I do, and bringing in the messages, I help someone else on this path?  What if it is indeed that simple?

What if your job is to paint florals, that brighten someone’s world each morning when they make coffee?  What if your job is to be the busser at Panera, and give everyone words of encouragement?  What if your job is to clean someone’s house and make their life easier?

So what if people criticize your style, your messages, your job etc etc?  It has more to do with them then it does you.

Just musing today….obviously, it is on my mind heavy, because of many conversations that I have shared with friends and family.

I have to be authentic and from integrity on my journey….That is becoming clearer to me daily.  Do I feel crazy and like I belong in a straight jacket once in a while?  Of course.  But those days are fewer and further between. I have to paint what I am being guided to paint, along with the messages the come with the paintings.

What if people say “But, florals are selling”, followed by, “So I’m going to paint florals.”

My comment to those people is – I used to paint cows (still do occasionally), people would buy them saying (all the while shaking their heads), “I don’t know why I’m buying a cow…but, I have to have it.”

But, I know.  It’s the soul factor.  It’s the authenticity of the artist who is painting what they are being driven to paint.

So, I’m going to ask you….Who are you?  Why are YOU here?  What would you do if you were totally free to BE who you are? (Because, I’m gonna share a secret – you are.)  What if what you did was who you are?

May we walk together as one.


Leaning into her (MY) fear

leaningintoherfearMost of my life I have known there is something so deep inside of me that when I finally chose to get to it would be almost debilitating.

It came. (Note to self – be careful what you ask for!)

I’m what’s known as a Love Avoider.  One who is so afraid of intimacy (the one thing they really crave), because of instances that happened in their childhood that anytime anyone shows that they like/love them, these love avoiders run for the fucking hills.  Emotionally and/or physically….  We are petrified that we will be abandoned, and yet we desire connection so deeply that we continuously repeat the pattern.

For the most part, we are painfully aware that there is something deep down….like in the muckiest muck there is….and the fear of the pain of discovery is so intense, that the majority of us don’t have the courage to face it, through treatment of some sort or other, because to do so, would be to totally release and have to look at so many we have hurt because of our behavior.    It’s much like being an alcoholic.  Once it is discovered, there is a choice…know that it is there, but it is truly too painful to face….or what I have chosen, which is to face it head on, knowing there will be backslides, however, to not move forward would be the death of one’s soul.

I’m fortunate that this was discovered by being with a man, who is gentle and kind (but, still has his shit to deal with), and, I think, is willing to work through this with me.   If he isn’t, I will be grateful, and honored that he chose to fulfill our soul contract, by giving me the gift of discovering the one thing that would unlock my soul completely to do my work that I am to do here, from the place of complete love and compassion.  Not that I won’t have bad days along with the good….after all, it has served me well for almost 58 years.

While going through this time of discovery, dissecting, shedding and releasing, I did what most intuitive artists do….I painted.

I painted because I knew this emotion – this debilitating fear – would work it’s way out on canvas.

I had no preconceived notion of how it would turn out, because I have never chosen to paint from this deep emotional place before.

I put paint on…wiped and scraped it off….using alcohol, and water.  I used brushes, painting knives, paper towels, my hand, and lots of elbow grease.

I never once freaked out (which is a normal process for artists) about believing the muse would leave me and the “I’ll never be an artist” syndrome.

I let my soul guide my hands as I reached for colors.

I meditated, and knew when she was asking for more depth.

“Lean into your fears, Paula.”

“You will find beauty there.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhh…..I love what happens when I’m quiet and listen.  This is where the gift is….in the quiet.




Rising from the Ashes

Eight years ago, I made a very difficult decision to leave a wonderful man and a predictable life. Not knowing HOW I was going to make it, just knowing that I WAS going to make it…. I moved to Taos, NM, barely knowing a soul, but knowing that I needed to be there. And, my… Continue Reading

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