This comes up a lot for me. I knew that my marriage was over…and that I “should” stay in it. After all, I had it all, didn’t I? He was and still is an incredibly compassionate man, and he was willing to give me anything and everything that I asked for. And, yet, there was something missing.
And so, rather than stay in a marriage where everything was comfortable and easy, I chose (because of my intuition) to leave. The hardest decision in my life. He would have given me anything I wanted. But, he couldn’t give me what I needed the most – which was me. He would have been a bandaid for all of my inner turmoil. I would have kept pushing it down until the festering would have eventually erupted much like Mt. Vesuvius and buried me along with others that I had in my orbits. We all have our own ways of going on our journey’s and I knew that I needed to do this for me. I followed my intuition.
And…my life has been nothing short of magical since then. I would not have expanded my horizons. I would not have met the incredible people that I have met. My art, would not have shown the growth that I knew it was going to. I would not have started teaching, written a book, nor would I have taken the risks and chances I have since that time. I’ve grown in ways I could have never imagined. I have felt the fear…..and walked into it. Scary as hell sometimes….and oh so exhilarating. I celebrate every little victory. Sometimes a happy dance (like no one is watching!) and sometimes just quiet bath time with candles and music and wine (or scotch!). My life would have been status quo.
I am getting ready to make another leap of faith and possibly buying a small farmette (something I have dreamed of for ages) with a gigantic shed to teach in and host a wide variety of different workshops. Because I believe (as a very wise man told me) that a gift given is a gift to give.
Teaching not only benefits the students….but, it benefits me. The exchange of energy is nothing sort of amazing! It wipes me out, and recharges my soul. I feel like I have finally found my place. My place in my soul. That which I came here to do. I’m very transparent – a gift and a curse – but essential to why I am here.
I’m so blessed to know so many of you….And am grateful for your presence in my little artsy, fartsy, quirky world.
To order My Lyrical Journey: How I painted My Heart Wide Open…click here
A review of the book.
“What a gift it is to be invited into Paula’s personal journey and transformation through the pages of My Lyrical Journey. You truly are never too old to begin a new chapter in your life. Being authentic means loving yourself is not a luxury, but rather a necessity. Beautiful messages like those are shared throughout the book. I’m so grateful Paula found the courage to share her journey with all of us.” Tracy C.