Category Archives: Spiritual Aha

Saying “I do”

Transfiguration (48 x 48)
Transfiguration

Saying “I do” to a spiritual journey is one of the most rewarding and challenging decisions one can ever make.  It opens you up to all of your wounds and patterns that have not served you well, and causes you to look deep within and dig up old “ick” that, quite honestly, is very painful.

Because, doing so, makes you examine closely why you have behaved a certain way in the past to certain triggers, alienating people, hurting people, but ultimately, how you punish yourself for all of your transgressions.

I can see why people choose to stay asleep…It is so much easier (but, NOT as rewarding!!), to continue to cover up and not look at your why’s.

Most of the time I choose to look deeper, I go through self-flagellation.  How could I have been so ________? (You fill in the blank.)  How could I have hurt the ones I love so deeply?

The majority of MY answers go back to my wounding.  What I did to survive as a highly sensitive child and Empath.  My walls and survival techniques were the only way that I knew.  It’s what I was taught.  It’s all I knew.  However, I know that with each step of the journey, I get so much closer to loving myself.  Completely.  Flaws, warts and all.  Which allows me to have compassion and love for others.

Am I always able to show that love and compassion towards others?  Oh, HELL no!   Because, I am the world’s greatest beater upper of myself.

I am learning that most of my suffering has come from my lack of boundaries.  Because I am an Empath and HSP, and because of how I was raised (and I’m guessing a lot of you were raised this way), I did not see the problems that this caused…UNTIL I DID!!!!!

Now, to put into practice what I have and am learning.

Boundary setting is hard.

You will piss people off who are used to being able to walk all over you.  You will lose friends, and in some cases, family members.   You will make mistakes, because this is all new to you.  DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!   Please know that you will make mistakes.  This is all unchartered territory.  Communicate.  Be vulnerable.  Communicate.  Take responsibility. Communicate.  (Have I said that enough?)

I am honored and delighted to be working with (AND, she is a dear, dear friend), someone who is helping me create my own container.  My boundaries.  Brooke Tatum, of Fierce Empath has helped me see how the majority of my triggers, and wounding has come from the lack of boundaries.  Brene Brown talks about it frequently, as does Christiane Northrup.   For those of us who were raised without boundaries – it’s eye opening. And, once your eyes are opened – the lessons and tests will come.   Trust me on this.  People will be taken aback, and wonder why you have changed.  You will question if it is all worth it.  I know I have.  It’s worth it.  I think…  LOL….

I am making mistakes, because this is all new to me….but, being able to say I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior, nor will I listen to you yell at me, is actually kind of empowering.

Please know that you are not alone.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

 

Receiving the Messages

Receiving the Messages (16 x 20)
Receiving The Messages

It’s been an incredibly enlightening journey to Taos this time.  I’ve been super meditative – stipping 1200 Sq. feet of very stubborn tile can do that.

The one clear message I have received is how important it is to be authentically me. In every aspect in my life.  To look at the lessons that are unique to me.

I know I am to paint my journey.  To be vulnerable in what I write (and paint).  So that others who are also on this spiritual journey, this consciousness awakening don’t feel crazy and/or alone.  Because there are parts of this path that are totally crazy making.

I tried an experiment this last year in October.  As most of you know, I have been known as a cow painter.  It allowed me to visit a part of my life here that is full of fond memories of a simple time spent on my Grandparents farm when I was younger.   Two of my galleries that I love asked me to paint cows so that they could have more inventory from me.  I did.  Against my intuition about what I was supposed to be painting.  And guess what???  Not a single one has sold!  That’s because, my soul was not in that part of my life any longer.  Oh yes, the fond memories are still there, but, I am at a different part of my journey now.

I know that this situation presents a certain dilemma.  Do I paint for others?  Or do I paint what I am being guided to paint?  Same with my writing.  Do I risk being looked at or thought of a crazy lady on some sort of funky, odd, out of the ordinary (and most definitely out of the box!!) misunderstood journey?  Putting myself out there in a way that I never that I would ever do and or risk doing?  Exposing my inner most thoughts at the risk of being totally disowned as a family member or friend?

I’ve been on the fence around this for quite some time.

Yet, I know my answer.

If I assist just ONE person to find their way through just one small part of their journey, and they in turn pay it forward, then I’ve done my “job”.

We are all so interconnected, a golden web…not one of us makes a move without affecting others.

So, I know why I’m here…

To BE WHO I AM!!!

I used to ask a very wise man that question all the time at the beginning of my journey.  His answer was always the same.  BE WHO YOU ARE!!!

I would whine – “But, what does that mean?  What I am ‘supposed’ to paint?”  Followed by, “WHY AM I HERE?”

“Be who you are little one.”

So, this is me, being me.

I love what I paint. I know they are strange paintings, and I know they may make one think.

I have to do this.

I have to be me.

Here’s to you being you.

Message received.

Paula

 

 

Transfiguration

This started as a regular ole post, and when I started writing, I was aware that there was more to say than I thought about this subject…  So, here are my musings for the day. Once you commit to a spiritual path…you will start learning lessons to help you become….well…the best version of you that…Continue Reading

About Paula
Beings