Category Archives: Spiritual Aha

Confirmation

Everything you were looking for, was right there with you all along.
Everything you were looking for, was     right there with you all along.

I LOVE when GUS brings confirmation that I am on the right path.  I ask my guides so much, that they must think by now, that I am a total Doubting Thomas, (and, I guess, in a way, I am) except, they continue to provide me with tidbits of information that tell me so….So, there is still that.

Yesterday’s painting was no exception.

I started the way that I usually do.  I light sage to cleanse my space, and ask that the message and images come through me.  As the painting started to develop it took on a Wizard of Oz sort of theme.  My head got in the way (which is NOT unusual), and I asked again for confirmation that what I was painting was meant to be.

And then, I took a break. Waiting for answers.

I didn’t have to wait long.

I was messaging with a friend and I was nudged to send a picture of what I was painting…..She told me that she had just been walking around in her downtown area, and her public library was having an exhibit of the Wizard of Oz…Okay, GUS, I’m starting to get the picture.

And then, an email from out of the blue, because, of course, I was also questioning if I am doing what I am “supposed” to be doing.  “Love Your Art !
Your Creations feel like you are painting Energy. I am a Lightworker (An Intuitive , Empath,) Also an Artist, (Performed As Queen Shamee The Faerie, I create Art Quilts, Dog Sculptures, I Draw Design Anything., I am studying The Sophia Code. I live in Omaha Nebraska ! Just wanted to say Hi!
Love The Goofy smile you made in the Photo . Sending Love,Light & Joy”
 
Okay dokey, GUS, I’m listening.

The energies have been challenging lately.  Lots of questioning about whys, whats, and WTF’s.  And, the answer that seems to be standard is “You don’t love yourself enough yet!”  Along with, “Stop looking outside, because your answers are within.”

Can it really be THAT easy?  Do “I” really hold to key to all of my challenges?

Seems I do….because, after quite a bit of meditative time….this is what “they” told me the title of the painting was….EVERYTHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, WAS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU ALL ALONG!!!

Lord God, I am hard on myself.   I would NEVER treat anyone the way I treat myself.  Consistently, but not all of the time, I beat myself up, for things I said or didn’t do “right”, when I would forgive someone else for doing the same thing.

This painting is clearly a message to all of us that the answers to all of our questions lie within us.  That our hearts know the way.  That love is really the answer.

BOOM!

Much Love,

Paula

#metoo

#metoo
#metoo

I have to be totally honest here.  First of all, I’ve never, ever been one to follow the crowd.  The pink pussy hats and #metoo movements never interested me.  To be frank, hadn’t most or all women been discriminated against, or sexually abused in one way or another?  What good would my being a part of these movements benefit society? (please bear with me through this)

I had particularly strong feelings towards the #metoo movement.  After all, I had been sexually abused in one form or another since I was in Junior High, ending three years ago in a gray date rape situation (not unlike this current one!), and I was fine.  Wasn’t I?  WASN’T I????

This past incident, however, brought up so much stored emotion ranging from total disgust with myself, to total outrage.  I couldn’t speak to anyone for days.  (Which is rare for me when I am in crisis mode!)

I WASN’T FINE.  I had let everything that had happened to me fester….until….like a pimple….it popped…..and the AHA’S started flooding in.

My parents had always made me aware that I had to be a nice girl.  Don’t rock the boat.  Don’t make a scene.  Don’t say anything that might be misconstrued.  Plus, the only real advice I received about men was that it was playing with fire.

And so, when it started in Junior High with a band instructor, (who used to feel my breasts), all I would do was push his hand away.  My dirty little secret was just that…mine.  Until he did the same thing to my sister.

Over and over again it would happen.  Until I became numb.

I felt that the only way to get a boyfriend was to have sex with him.  After all, isn’t that what they wanted?  Why would they want to be with me for any other reason?  (Oh heck – here comes the poor self-esteem creature!)

After my divorce, (which, partially, was because I wasn’t able to be intimate) I picked up where I left off.

A series of failed relationships where I found myself, once again, not able to be intimate.

And then, this last incident.

Which made me look long and hard at what “I” was doing to attract this sort of thing.

Loads of AHA’S.  I didn’t feel comfortable with the #metoo movement because I hadn’t healed yet.  I still didn’t feel worthy.  I attracted those that were here to bring me lessons.

What happened two plus weeks ago has taught me so much about myself.

I desire a relationship with someone who respects and honors me, but, that won’t happen until I respect and honor myself.

I’m painting my way through it….strong, powerful, naked, #metoo, and #toomuchwomen.  Warrior goddesses.  Those that aren’t afraid to set clearer and stronger boundaries.  Those that aren’t afraid to ask for what they want.  AND GET IT!  It’s healing for me.  I’m also working with a sister/coach who sees my forest for my trees.

My judgement is falling away more and more.  I don’t blame myself (as much).  I’m diving deep, and coming up for air.

And so, I guess this post is to say – I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I judged ANY ONE who has gone through this.  I’m sorry that you went through it.  I’m sorry that it continues to happen.

I think the one thing that I need to add here and say to all men is that these women (or men) that you are using for your pleasure and disrepecting, are somebody’s daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, or aunt.  PLEASE consider that next time that your urges threaten to get the best of you….because, it could happen to YOUR family.

I hope that you find these paintings as healing for you, as painting them has been for me.

Many blessings to you all.

Paula

What if…..

I want to play a game….A game called “What If”.  I just recently finished a series on Netflix called Travelers…For those of you who have seen it, you know there was a HUGE cliffhanger.  For those of you who don’t know anything about the series…the cliff notes are that people “traveled” from the future, to… Continue Reading

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Raven Shaman