Category Archives: Spiritual Aha

Transfiguration

This started as a regular ole post, and when I started writing, I was aware that there was more to say than I thought about this subject…  So, here are my musings for the day.
Once you commit to a spiritual path…you will start learning lessons to help you become….well…the best version of you that you came to be.
The lessons…at first….will be challenging (to say the least)…and you may want to quit.  It’s not all namaste and unicorns farting glitter filled rainbows.
But, you can’t unknow what you already know.  There will be a period that you question why you said yes, and a phase of anger, confusion and “why me”.
Then, you release, relax, regroup and really start listening.
Everything happens for a reason and, even though you might not be able to see those reasons immediately,  eventually  (if you can drop the “victim” act), you are rewarded with answers.
The lessons get deeper and more profound much like a spiral…there are more and more layers to every lesson.
I like to compare it to one of those gumball machines that drop the gumball in a spiral…before you get your reward…it gets intense…always revisiting the same place, but deeper.
You can’t stop the gumball, but, you can watch in fascination as that colorful ball gets closer and closer to your possession.
It’s about the process – and whether or not you are in a position to react, respond, or just release and allow.
Every learning experience is different and it is up to each one of us to decipher what is true for ourselves.  Is this Karma?  A lesson?  A soul contract?
I’ve noticed a big change in my art since this last “growth” (translation – lots of lessons and AHA moments) period.
My palette has changed.
The messages are more lighthearted.
I accept who I am more.  I respond rather than react more.  Or, I don’t respond at all.  I’m happier.  I don”t feel the need to be “coupled”.  I enjoy nature more often.  I’m good with being quiet and alone.
This painting – Transfiguration – reflects me leaving the old me behind and becoming…well….more me than I ever have been.  It’s a blend of my old and my new style.  Very raw and vulnerable, AND, unfinished.  Kinda like we all are.  A work in progress.  The shadow side is still present, and beautiful.
If it hadn’t been for a small handful of people that I honor, respect and trust, I would have still arrived here, just not quite as fast as I did….for those people, I am truly grateful.  They listened, and offered advice when it was needed (and one, still occasionally uses a 2 x 4 – but, she is my go to for blunt honesty, and I LOVE her for that!!!).
Blessings to all of you who have chosen this incredible journey to yourself.
I want you to know that you are never alone.
May we walk together as one.
Paula
PS….Still much more deepening of the lessons.  I’ll never “arrive”, but will continually be amazed at everything I learn.
AND,  be grateful.

I am NOT a Love Avoider…

Walk Barefoot
Walk Barefoot

….nor am I an ultra-feminist, or a narcissist…..BUT, I am a Highly Sensitive Empath….

Once again, a very vulnerable post – yet, I feel the need to share.

The backstory…because it’s a doozy, and I think that many of you can relate.

I choose to go to a therapist a year and a half ago.  She was recommended to me as highly spiritual who could help me on a much deeper level, which is what I wanted.  I desired to work with someone who understood spiritual principle, as well as how to function in today’s world with all of the energies that bombard us as spiritual beings having a human experience.

I was ready to get down to MY nitty gritty.  AND, ultimately, I did….but, on my own, although the therapist played a huge part, just not in the way that she intended, which is frequently the case.

She labeled me.  First, I was a love avoider.  Then, I found out she told the man that I was dating that I was a narcissist and ultra-feminist.

I spiraled.  It was a slippery slope downhill.

After all, as a child I was taught to respect the opinion and not question authority figures.  After all, they had training in that field, and I didn’t.

But, was that MY truth?

Or the therapist’s truth?

I got angry. (After the downhill spiral where I was sure I was a total failure in life and would never amount to anything – so why even try?)  VERY angry.  I went to her for help, and all she did was label me, sweep me under the rug, and tell the man that I was dating why he shouldn’t be with me.

She never took the time with me to work on the reason why I came to her.  Which were intimacy issues.

So, I started doing my own research.  I found another therapist, and worked with a brilliant human who specifically works with Empaths.  I came across Dr. Judith Orloff….It’s like she knew me.  Everything about me.  My need for solitude, quiet and alone time.  Why I couldn’t sleep with someone else.  Why I felt like I was crazy.  The importance of boundaries…(Which was also what my brilliant human – Brooke Tatum – had told me for years!!)

Turns out MY truth, was not the therapists truth.  I didn’t question…until I did.  Nothing about what she said about me felt true – and I came across a phenomenal article in Elephant Journal while doing my research, after taking a plethora of online quizzes to see whether or not I was a narcissist (all results – no matter how often I took them – was a resounding NO!), that spoke to me, and probably to many.   It was about whether or not an Empath can be a narcissist……DEFINITELY NOOOOOO!!!

My truth.

Not the therapists.

Not the man I was dating.

MY TRUTH.

Had I not questioned her authority, I would still be down that deep dark rabbit hole, wondering if I am a horrid human, with no redeeming qualities.

And, so peeps….I want to remind you….seek YOUR truth.  If something doesn’t feel right to you…make it your mission to find YOUR answers.

I did.

I’m much happier than I ever have been.

There is always room for growth. Just sayin’.

May we walk together as one.

 

Blessings,

Paula

 

 

 

About Paula
Beings