Category Archives: Spiritual Aha

I’m a House Whore….

….or I was….This post really could be called Confessions of a House Whore…But, I feel that I am recovering.

For those of you who follow me, or know me, you know that houses are my weakness.  It’s like they call to me and ask me to make them beautiful.  This home that I am moving to NEXT WEEK, (closing 11:19:2018 – 11:1:11!!!)  however, is an exception.  Kinda.  She has called to me since she originally went on the market in June of 2017. But, she was in super rough shape.  Like, over the top rough.

I’ve loved what is referred to here as Cooper Cottages since the day I first saw them.  They are the first homes built here by John Cooper since Bella Vista Village became officially a retirement community in 1965.  There are approximately 5 or 6 different floorplans that were available, and the one thing that they all have in common is the squashed a-frame roof, and very deep overhangs.

I’ve dreamed of owning one since first setting eyes on one….however, the majority of them were either 1) not big enough, or 2) had no place for a studio and/or workshop.

I had pretty much decided that I was staying at my current home…and then I started branching out with my creative endeavors.  Metal work is messy…VERY!!!  Black soot filtered everywhere in my studio.

And then, she came back on the market.  Built in 69 (I’m a Cancer, and that’s my sign), and, listed on my 60th birthday. I went to see her, seriously hoping that I could find something wrong with her.  That just one part of her wouldn’t work.  Obviously, not the case….She was/is PERFECT!!  An attached studio…detached three car extra deep garage….workshop space….isolated…(Definitely was part of my decision to move because of the five dogs next door who are free to come and go singing their yappy chorus anytime I open my backdoor, and pendulous breast woman who comes out in her wife-beater t-shirt and big girl panties)….a view…AND….BONUS….right on the proposed new 50 mile bike trail path being created here.

I had to work through a lot…I know/knew my pattern of buying and moving was a form of running for me…not facing what I needed to examine.  I’ve asked for signs….and they have come.

Everything has fallen into place nicely. (In spite of my minor freak out over the roof…..which….was replaced….and lowers my insurance $800/year.)  I get to close a week before my home here closes…so I can have a bit more rest time…and not have to be balls to the wall.

Here is the greatest part about the whole space…..THERE ARE ANGELS THERE!  How do I know?  I was there the other day unloading a lot of lumber for my studio space, as well as an awesome piece of furniture that I bought at a garage sale.  I was struggling to get the furniture out and standing on the edge of a fairly hefty drop off….and I lost my balance.  Everything went into slow motion. I remember looking down, and wondering how I could fall, and get hurt the least amount.  After all, I had a huge move coming up….and then, I felt it….a push…gentle, and yet, very intentional. Off the ledge. WHOA Nellie….PFM!!!

I am so grateful to all of you who have supported me…by buying my art (so I don’t have as much to move)…by listening to me when I have my panic attacks…or, just a kind word here and there on Facebook or Instagram.  I truly am very blessed.

I’ve decided to extend the sale on my paintings and the Angels until Christmas….I may not be as on top of shipping as I normally am, but, I promise to get them to you in a reasonable amount of time… Click HERE to check out what is available…

Blessings to all of you.

May We Walk Together As One

Paula

Not even my family, nor my closest friends know….

Lean on me

…..the extent of my depression.  Because, I cover it up.  Sometimes, I cover it up well, sometimes, not so much.  It’s debilitating at times, and at other times, it’s manageable.  But, it is always present.  Even as a small child, and young adult, I remember wanting to not be here.  Lately, though, it has been worse.  I wake up in a panic.  My anxiety is through the roof.

Perhaps it is because I am so highly sensitive and an empath…perhaps it is familial…it could be the Lyme disease….or  maybe it is something that I don’t even know about yet.  I don’t know.  I just know that it is always there….like I have to walk this fine line of wanting to scream, cry, or hide.

I used to play the victim….blaming others.  Some would say that it is, “my cross to bear.”  I’m choosing, however, to look at it as a lesson….I obviously choose this….and I need to learn how to get a handle on it.  Because, some days just getting out of bed is the very best that I can do.

Baby steps towards change – my eating habits are slowly changing.  I am making a conscious effort to stop the negative self talk.  I celebrate my good days.  I look at how far I have come, rather than how far I need to go.  But, I think the most important thing that I am doing right now is allowing myself to examine it.

I’ve always been afraid to face this “demon” head on….because, depression is just not something that is talked about…and when someone shares about their depression (depending upon, of course, who they choose to share it with), it is met with…”Just think positive thoughts”.  “Oh, it’s just a phase.”  or….my favorite….”Just get over it.”  I’m here to tell you – that doesn’t work.

Yes, I know that I am blessed.  Yes, I know I have a gift.  Yes, I know it could be worse, that I could be a starving child somewhere….but, on days like today….all that does, is make me spiral more.

Because, why, if I have so many blessings, do I feel the way I feel?

I am highly determined, though, to learn what to do on these days.  I do know that they don’t last forever, and for that I am grateful.  I do know, that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.  I also realize, that every time I am getting ready to uplevel, that I go through this, and there must be a huge gigantic change coming.  Always darkest before the dawn….so they say.

Maybe, I’m choosing to write this today, to help others.  I really don’t know, but my guides were extremely insistent that I write….AND PUBLISH!!!

Painting today saved me.  Creating this angel made me feel not so alone.  Her message to me came in strong and clear while writing this:  “Lean on me. I’m always here. You are never alone. I’m one of thousands you can call upon on your dark days.  That’s why we are here.  Please, please, PLEASE….lean on me.  Ask for guidance.  Be quiet.  Your answers are there in the spaces in between.  Reach out.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  You aren’t a burden, child…you are a gift.”

All I can say right now, is WOW….  She also wants me to remind those of you who have days like today, to reach out to YOUR guides….and, cut yourself a bit of slack, just like you would for your friends…..or your children…..

Now, I know why they were insistent about writing while I was feeling this way….

May We Walk Together As One.

Much love,

Paula

What is a “Mentor”?

A “mentor” or mentoring is described as: Mentoring consists of a long-term relationship focused on supporting the growth and development of the mentee. The mentor becomes a source of wisdom, teaching, and support, but not someone who observes and advises on specific actions or behavioral changes in daily work. Notice I put “mentor” in quotes….Something… Continue Reading

How many of you (like me) run?

….from facing your fears….and from facing yourself?  I know I do.  What is it that you do?? This is one of the things I do…I buy houses.  About every two years, I get the itch to change residences.  But, this home here in Bella Vista, Arkansas…is different.  I’m putting down roots. Literally and figuratively.  I’m… Continue Reading

Trust YOUR intuition (and while you’re at it stop listening to your DAMN ego!)

I have two very vulnerable stories about not trusting MY intuition, (instead accepting someone else’s!), and listening to my ego… A very large portion of artists’ DREAM of being in galleries. I’ve been no exception. Which has led me to lesson learning. LESSON ONE Three years ago I was contacted by a gallery in England. … Continue Reading

About Paula
Raven Shaman