…..when I don’t even know what love really is? I’m not sure that I ever felt it….perhaps more lately than I ever have before. How does love feel? Is it filling a void…a hole inside….feeling not whole and then looking for that extra part to complete me? Or is it being whole first, and then the compliment to me comes in? All questions that have seemed to be haunting me lately.
Is it sexual? No…..I don’t think so….that’s just filling the void. Is is being with someone because they “need” me? I don’t think so…again. Is it wanting to be with someone because I see the incredible being that they are…or CAN be….but, they are not quite there yet and I just KNOW that the relationship will “help” them become the beautiful soul they are. I’m positive that is not it either.
I know that I love my children. I know that I love my friends. I know that they love me. So, why is it, that I don’t seem to be able to “find” love?
I’m starting to come to the conclusion (this has been coming for a long time – and yet I haven’t wanted to face it) that love creeps in, slowly, gradually, when I finally learn how to love myself. When I learn how not to beat myself up for all of my “mistakes”. When I forgive myself and accept myself for who I am. When I love me…quietly, gently, compassionately…..totally.
Only then….will I truly KNOW what love is.
And then…it will find me.