I chose consciousness…

Earth Healer (10 x 10)
Earth Healer

….before I even knew the meaning of the word.  Before I knew what it entailed…   I didn’t just CHOOSE it, I said, “Bring it on!”.  Lord god….

I was so unhappy.  Like, always sick, unhappy.  Like, knowing that there was more to life than what I was experiencing.  Like there was something else out there.

I had no idea that my life would crumble.  That I would die a thousand deaths, only to be reborn.  That I would have to face dragons, and demons that I had no idea existed.  That I would have to look at old outdated patterns and beliefs that I had.

I went from being a dentist’s wife in a small town in Western Kansas….a simple comfortable life, that many would be very content living, to dating a shaman in Taos, New Mexico.

I was an artist.  How in the hell was I going to “make” it?  I received very little support from my family. (With the exception of my sister – although – I do believe she wondered about my sanity – but, I never doubted her love for me.) One comment that still sticks in my mind was “They call them starving artists for a reason!”.  Gee, thanks….that’s the kind of help that I didn’t need.

I became a seeker.  I tried, and studied everything “woo-woo”.

I thought I was crazy.

To want something different.

To paint something different.

To BE different.

But,

I AM DIFFERENT.

I’m not meant to fit into that round hole.  I’m not meant to follow the masses.  I’m not a follower.

When people tell me “That’s not the way it is done.”, I say, “Watch me.”

When people tell me that I “should” paint traditionally, I say, “But, it’s not what my soul is telling me to paint.”

When people say “You’ll never make it”, I say, “Hold my beer.” (Or scotch!)

Listening to the artists out there that teach “How to be a successful artist”….I say, good for them, but one person’s way may not work for another.

The reason why I am sharing all of this, is because I know there are so many others out there that feel the way I do.  I know how people look at those of us who are becoming enlightened.  One of my “jobs” is to let others know that others know that they are not crazy.

This journey that we have chosen can be tough.  We can feel alone, but I assure you – YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!  There are thousands waking up – facing their own dragons – right now.

It’s time.

Mother Gaia needs us.

WE NEED US.

If, knowing then what I know now, would I do it all over again – the answer would be HELL YES!!!   Would I do it the same way – probably. But, everyone’s way is different.

You can’t unknow what you know.

The fear appears real – but, your courage is much much greater, I assure you.

For those of us facing our dragons, there are millions of us standing behind you saying, “You have this, we honor you, stand behind you for choosing this journey, and thank you for your courage!”

My life has become magical – as will yours.

Soon, we will not be the exception to the rule, but, we will become the rule.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

 

One Response to I chose consciousness…

  1. I feel as if I am reading my own words.
    Even though I knew I was not alone-in my physical space and those in my day to day world I feel as if a foreigner. There is no sadness associated with that feeling and I sincerely believe it is because in my spirit I was confident I was not alone. When it was revealed to me that I was an empath, and I met others- I felt renewed sense of not truly being alone-if that makes sense. so I rejoice to read what you share and, as an artist and creative- I am immersing myself in your art. Thank you for sharing so generously. –

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About Paula