Oh Esperanza

Hope…you have always filled me with Hope…Thus, your name.  I always believed in myself when I was here, but this time is different.   And, yet not.

You healed me in a way I cannot put into words….always teaching me lessons about life.  This time was no different.  I walked into you, and knew it was time to give back to you for all of the healing that you have offered me over the years.

I started by stripping your floors – on my hands and knees for 6 days – four square feet at a time.  Each tile handmade with love – and very very different.   Some wanted to hang onto their old coverings and pain, and some were willing to release and move forward immediately….just like people.   Each one unique in their build, color and look.  Once again, you were teaching me about life.

I’ve been here for almost 10 years now – sometimes only seeing you occasionally, but, always feeling the love emanating from your walls.  I’m not the same person I was when I first laid in your bathtub while my realtor listened to my hopes and dreams.

You orchestrated the perfect morning for me here – the last morning I will be able to call you mine.  Mystery surrounded the mountains and the sky – wind in the pines, the tinkle of rain in the aspens, followed by the intoxicating aroma of the desert after a rain.  You even made sure that it was cold enough to have one last fire.  And, OH, the light….there is nothing like it in the world.

I walked around my yard – lovingly touching each of the pines – Wisdom, Beauty, Love, Courage and Strength and thanking them for protecting me when I couldn’t protect myself.  The hummingbirds flew into my face – acting surprised when I moved.

I honor you for who you are, and what you have done for me.

The future is uncertain for me at this point – and I’m scared.  What will I do when I no longer have you to come back to – to recharge, regroup, and rejuvenate?  I know that whatever is planned for mei will be incredible, and the anticipation is present.

But, today…I’m sad.

I will always be grateful for what you did for me.  What you did WITH me.

Hold the next owners with the same love that you have shown me – because you are a healer.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

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