It’s been an incredibly enlightening journey to Taos this time. I’ve been super meditative – stipping 1200 Sq. feet of very stubborn tile can do that.
The one clear message I have received is how important it is to be authentically me. In every aspect in my life. To look at the lessons that are unique to me.
I know I am to paint my journey. To be vulnerable in what I write (and paint). So that others who are also on this spiritual journey, this consciousness awakening don’t feel crazy and/or alone. Because there are parts of this path that are totally crazy making.
I tried an experiment this last year in October. As most of you know, I have been known as a cow painter. It allowed me to visit a part of my life here that is full of fond memories of a simple time spent on my Grandparents farm when I was younger. Two of my galleries that I love asked me to paint cows so that they could have more inventory from me. I did. Against my intuition about what I was supposed to be painting. And guess what??? Not a single one has sold! That’s because, my soul was not in that part of my life any longer. Oh yes, the fond memories are still there, but, I am at a different part of my journey now.
I know that this situation presents a certain dilemma. Do I paint for others? Or do I paint what I am being guided to paint? Same with my writing. Do I risk being looked at or thought of a crazy lady on some sort of funky, odd, out of the ordinary (and most definitely out of the box!!) misunderstood journey? Putting myself out there in a way that I never that I would ever do and or risk doing? Exposing my inner most thoughts at the risk of being totally disowned as a family member or friend?
I’ve been on the fence around this for quite some time.
Yet, I know my answer.
If I assist just ONE person to find their way through just one small part of their journey, and they in turn pay it forward, then I’ve done my “job”.
We are all so interconnected, a golden web…not one of us makes a move without affecting others.
So, I know why I’m here…
To BE WHO I AM!!!
I used to ask a very wise man that question all the time at the beginning of my journey. His answer was always the same. BE WHO YOU ARE!!!
I would whine – “But, what does that mean? What I am ‘supposed’ to paint?” Followed by, “WHY AM I HERE?”
“Be who you are little one.”
So, this is me, being me.
I love what I paint. I know they are strange paintings, and I know they may make one think.
I have to do this.
I have to be me.
Here’s to you being you.
Bravo Paula! Just the fact that you’re sharing this experience not only empowers you but all who read it! I believe many female creatives are in the same boat. I have spent the last four, five, maybe six months not knowing what to paint and REFUSING to paint what’s expected! It’s scary and uncomfortable and LIBERATING! And I battle the nasty little voice in my head that scolds me for not being prolific! It is so loud that it interferes with the message of what to paint. It knows it and feeds off of my fear. I’m working on gagging that little voice, day by day.
I believe that if we’re lucky, we reach the point you’ve reached. No, those cow paintings won’t sell because they aren’t serving your quest right now! I do love them, btw, however, your “other” paintings are very very powerful and they go deep, and I love them on a very different level. Don’t stop.
Oh man…. thank you for sharing…
I love this Paula! At 60, I too have been rediscovering Truth. Being comfortable with my authentic self. The realization that I battled being me, enjoying my divinely feminine self, was shocking to say the least. So now I adorn myself more, I speak my heart more, I dance more, and I do or don’t do as I feel led. Walking in peace is such joy! ❤️
Thank you for showing up in my world. You a an inspiration! I just love you. For realzzzzz ❤️
awww… thanks you sugar