….and what I did to stop it.
Interesting times for those of us who are on a spiritual journey. We seem to be getting slammed right and left and up and down with lessons, testing our resolve to this path. It’s like Spirit, God, or whatever you believe in, is saying: ARE YOU REALLY READY TO COMPLETELY WALK YOUR TALK?????!!!!!
I am…I think…well, actually, I know, AND, I also know what saying yes to this journey also entails. It’s not always easy, but, OMG, it is the most rewarding thing you can ever do for yourself.
I’ve become aware of my little girl Sallie, who was “born” at age 4 or 5. She became my protector….actually….she became my main personality. She has dealt with my life, from a 5 year old perspective. And, wow, I realized, looking back this morning, how kinda F*&%$ED up it was. To deal with my life as an adult from a 5 year old perspective. I have dealt with issues my whole life (not ALL the time, but… A LOT….of the time), from that wounded little girl perspective. She never had a chance to be a child. To play, and enjoy all of the gifts that life has to offer to a little girl. She felt as though she needed to be perfect, and take care of everyone. After all, she was the oldest in the family, and that meant responsibility.
I’m very fortunate to be working with two amazing people right now to help me through this….and yet, I know that it has to come from me.
This morning – I started down that rabbit hole – that one where all of the old programming came up – Sallie was present and ready to kick some proverbial ass….I stopped….dead in my tracks….and actually told her that I have it now….that she can go back to being the child that she was never able to be.
“So, I can go back to being a kid again, and paint the paintings that I am?”
This is where my latest series – The Little Girl and Tiny Tots – are being born from. It’s from that adult little girl who was never allowed to play – because she choose to take on all of that responsibility for keeping me “safe” in the only way she knew how – from a 5 year old perspective.
I’m certainly not over the hump yet, but the latest journey has provided me with invaluable insight into what makes me tick…and has allowed me to be much more compassionate with others’ journeys.
None of us truly knows what wounds others carry – but, a little bit of compassion and love, goes a long way.
We are truly walking each other home.
The day before I saw your “Sallie” posted on FB, I had experienced a bodywork session where my “Wild Child” showed up. She was frantic & scared, waiting for me. =) This message you share resonates SO much with me & my current experience! Plus…being a “Sally,” I just know this message is just for me ! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Love the paintings!
Awwwww….that makes me so happy…. Always work to do.
Paul’s, I absolutely adore your art and can see your spirituality within it. Although I was not the oldest child but was the youngest I identify with your journey as I am an old soul and recognized this fact at a very young age! I have been a mother to myself and sisters and mother along with other elders in my family. Bless you and remain strong in your journey!
Thank you so much… and to you
Darn autocorrect! Paula!