I’ve been going through some challenging times regarding my love life….sigh….I know, right? I started dating a wonderful man this summer. He loves and adores me. And tells me I’m beautiful, the most incredible artist etc etc. He’s sweet, funny and fun. Compassionate, and hunky. (and he cooks!) You get the picture.
And a lot of shit came up for me. I realized that all my life I have been looking outside of myself for love. Someone to love me. Someone to adore me. Someone ….just someone. To fulfill an ache I have had inside most of my life. I’ve been pretty damn good at quashing that little voice inside of me (damn voice anyway!) that says….”He’s not quite right for you, Paula. AND YOU KNOW IT! BECAUSE you aren’t whole, complete enough yet. AND YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF!” Damnation and poop anyway. But, I protested, he’s so wonderful. And, he loves me….”But, (and the little voice got quiet), you have to love yourself first.” Sigh – I know…. I know, and I also know that that has been my search all along. I have been looking for love when it is, quite simply, inside of me.
I had a friend (I have at least one…or two) say to me “You are your best beloved. Always. Be the Love that you are, and love will find you.” It made me think…and ponder…and pound my fists into my pillow….and sob. And meditate…on what she so eloquently stated.
Why…is self-love so important in changing the world? Why indeed….
This, is what I came up through all my tears, and my quiet time.
When we love ourselves – all of us – the good, the bad and the ugly…we accept every. Last. Part. Of. Ourselves. We love ourselves unconditionally. That leads to being able to love another – the good, the bad, and the ugly – because we love it in ourselves. We become more compassionate. We become more tolerant. We become love. And that effect ripples out. There are less arguments, disagreements, wars etc etc.
We change the world by starting with ourselves…
I think, I’m gonna date myself… Cuz, I’m pretty damn cool.
Love this post, Paula! Yes Yes and YES to all of it! That little voice inside us that tells us the truth is so easy to ignore, but it’s always right lol. Why does it take us so long to figure it out!? Kudos to you for being brave, and strong, and finding love for yourself first. xo
Alisa… Bless you sugar.. Yup, I have no other option right now. It’s why I came to this planet this lifetime.