I’m falling in love….

With myself…actually…not really, but, kinda….This post is REALLY about falling in love with my creative process all over again. Which, for me, translates into falling in love with myself…in a way. The creative process is who I am…

I’ve been asking myself “WHY LANDSCAPES?”. Most of the time when I paint, I know my motivation. My angels are always messages from GUS (God, Universe, Spirit – non-denominational – I prefer it that way!!!). Same with my Shamanic/Visionary paintings. My abstracts are a sort of a color, and movement language from across the Universes.

But, LANDSCAPES????

For the past few weeks they have been pouring out of me. So much so, that I am painting over older paintings that have not sold, because I LOVE the depth that it adds to the painting.

Even though, I had no idea what my motivation was.

The process has been something totally different for me. I start more with a feeling, rather than an idea. I’m letting my heart and soul paint these creations. I love working with texture, and blending and utilizing totally different color combinations that I rarely use, has me in a place that I rarely go. Subtraction becomes just as important as addition.

I’ve always had a sort of a “formula” when I paint. Most artists do. I know what colors looks good together, and how to mix paint to achieve the look that I am trying to portray. But, this is “off the charts” different for me.

So, WHY LANDSCAPES???!!!!

The answer came yesterday.

I had a Reiki session on the 10th. Full moon and eclipse in Cancer. I knew it would be powerful….being a Cancer and all. Usually, I try to figure out what the session brought in for me right away. But, this time, I just waited. And, quite honestly, forgot about the “what”.

I just painted.

While painting last night, one of the songs came on that was playing during my session. I had been asking (cuz, I’m kind of a pain with my guides like that) WHY LANDSCAPES???

The answer came in loud and clear.

“You paint sacred spaces, little one. Sacred spaces like the grove of cedars that was behind your grandparents house where you used to spend hours playing with the fairies, and elves. Sacred spaces, like the huge majestic cottonwoods that you walked among while your mother was dying. Sacred spaces like the row of hedge ball trees. Sacred spaces like the group of elm trees that grew close to a secret spring that only you knew about.”

I sat for a moment and took it all in. I knew it was something about grounding, but, I had no idea how deep it was.

All of these paintings that I am creating are filled with mystery. Dream time. Peace. Hope. Harmony. And Momma Earth.

It’s no wonder that so many are resonating with these paintings….because they resonate with me….

May We Walk Together as One.

Paula

Depression is a Fickle Lover

Throw into the mix spiritual path, empath, people pleaser, AND HSP, and that tends to be a recipe for disaster!!!

I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t occasionally have to deal with the demon Depression. Oh, I know, so many people say things like: “It’s all in your head.” (yup) or, “Just think positive!”

These people mean well, they just don’t know what it is like to be in THIS place of perpetual darkness. (And, BTW, it doesn’t help AT ALL, because, once again, it makes those of us who are in this situation feel even worse!)

I had a friend describe how depression feels to her. She said, it’s like clawing your way out constantly. You finally get to this place of serenity, and then…. BOOM…it’s BAAAAACCCCKKK! There are days when one wonders whether or not it’s worth it. (Ok, actually, that’s me…”I” wonder whether or not it is worth it.)

However, right now, at this very moment, (and could change on a dime!), I’m choosing (because otherwise, I’m not sure how I would deal with it) to believe that the lotus only blooms in yucky, mucky water.

I’ve been in this place, all truth be told, since mid to late August. My usual lifelines, because of a series of things that had to happen, had either been severed, or were on hiatus.

I’m an external processor,. But, AND, I knew that it was time for me to learn how to process internally. To really dance with this devil, and clean out some of the dark corners.

I had one dear friend show up for me in a big way, but she was also riding some pretty intense rapids. We reached out to one another frequently, but, never lost sight of the fact that we were both dealing with our own individual demons, albeit, very similar.

The only time I would feel connected to GUS (God, Universe, Spirit), was when I was painting, so you would assume that I would be doing that all of the time….but, when all I wanted to do was hide in my blankie fort, it’s difficult to pull out of that fog, and actually DO something.

I’m so grateful, believe it or not, for this time though. I’ve looked at some pretty serious ancestral wounds, some debilitating patterns, and some ALMOST insurmountable triggers.

I have a few good days, now and then, which help me through my darkness.

I think paintings these Gnomes and Angel Wings have been healing for me.

But, what has helped me most, lately, is a mantra that goes, when I can remember to say it, “Everything happens for a reason.”

I know that I’ll make it through this time. But, for now, I’ll be in my blankie fort, watching some nameless series on Netflix.

Sending hugs to all of you, from afar.

May We Walk Together As One

AND,

Remember…..

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Maybe part of the reason this is happening to me right now, and writing about it, is so some of you don’t feel so alone!

Paula

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When are we gonna get there?

Said in the whiniest voice from a small child who is tired of riding in the car!! All of you who have ever traveled with small children know EXACTLY what it sounds like!!! They want to GET THERE!! My parents must have been crazy and/or saints to want to travel with four children five and… Continue Reading

It’s a blankie fort day

One of “those” days that we all dread, that come on with no warning, that stop you in your tracks. One of “those” days, that you KNOW something good will come out of it, IF, you can just remember that it all happens for a reason…and IF you can remember you have your tools in… Continue Reading

Mea Culpa

I KNEW I published my HUGE rant for a reason…. Initially, I had NOT ONE CLUE about why it bothered me so much. Ninety nine percent of the time, when I get a comment that triggers me, I delete it. This time it sent me on a tear. First of all, let me give a… Continue Reading

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