Disconnect-ed

Disconnect ed (12 x 12)
                    Disconnect – ed

I think that, for the most part right now….(and I’m NOT speaking for everyone), we are disconnect-ed.  We have grown up thinking and being taught one way, and yet, our intuition, our heart, is saying another.   Or it is a combination of the two – or a HUGE internal battle.

I’m only speaking for myself right now, but, I think some of you may recognize yourselves in this blog.   I know that I have done some very powerful healing work.  That culminated in a journey to Taos, where I always go to reconnect with my soul….only this time was very different.

It’s been years since I have dug this deep into my core wounding.  My old patterns and thought processes of being.  Ancestral stuff.  Lifetimes of getting away with BEing a certain way…..and getting by with it.   But, I know that I can’t anymore….and it’s challenging.

AND, the Mountain made me LOOK DEEP INSIDE!!!   True to her form and energy, (and her 2 x 4 nature), I had to look at a magnifying mirror…..which showed a lot of my old patterning and wounding…and I realized how much of a gift I was given.

However, I will also say that when the wounds are ancestral, that switching gears becomes a bit rough.   It takes a while to develop new patterns….kinda like riding a bike for the first time….I have training wheels.

I’m learning more how to respond, rather than react.

I’m learning how not to beat myself up – and this one is HUGE – because I have spent a lifetime(s) – doing this.

I’m learning how to have my own rudder – because for most of my life – I’ve relied on others to guide me – in every way shape or form – not having my own opinions (I know…..right????!!!) – and when I did – I seem to manage to see that my opinion was flawed…..

One thing I DO know at the core of my being is that I am supposed to paint and write messages….so that is where I am starting.

At MY beginning.

It’s about being gentle with myself, and others.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

Human-ing (It’s a word, in my dictionary!)

Bottom Line…Love (10 x 10)Some days are just challenging…humaning (the act of being human) comes up and lessons present themselves.  I have a shit ton of tools in my magic kit now, and it seems that my bag still requires refreshing and rebooting at times. (Kinda like cleaning out your purse after weeks of stuffing things in it!)

I think when an obstacle (lesson) comes up, we tend to think that we “should” (four letter word to me!) be able to handle it ourselves.  Without talking about it.  And somehow, some of us tend to beat ourselves up when we can’t find our answers, the lesson, or a way to work through it on our own.

IF we indeed are all one – doesn’t it seem right to you that reaching out to those who can see your forest for the trees might just be able to share what they see?

Talking through lessons helps me.  As does writing.  I suppose that the writing and talking comes through after internal processing….

Here is why this is coming up for me….

As some of you know, I am in Taos.   I’ve done a lot of inner work lately, and the Mountain is my sacred place…the place I come to to recenter and reground.  My paintings are deeper, and more full of messages.  They have changed a bit, and, as is true any time I morph, (even though I know it is the direction that I am being guided), I have a period of euphoria, followed by a “WTF am I doing” moment.  Then, I generally level out.

This time, however, seems to be a bit more challenging, as I think I am getting closer to my essence.  And, as is true with all journey’s, the deeper you go, the more challenges will be offered, until….at last….you come to THAT place of knowing.

But, do we ever truly get to that place of BEING?

Or is life always a series of peaks, valleys and smooth sailing?

Is it just how we navigate back to our place of BEING?

Random-ish thoughts this morning.

May We walk together as one.

Blessings,

Paula

 

I failed.

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