I failed.

May We Walk Together As One

Yesterday morning was tough on me.  I went into a “Why can’t you seem to do anything right” spot.  I went to a party the night before, and got completely overwhelmed.  LOTS of people in a very small space.  Some I knew well.  Some I knew as an acquaintance.  But, most I didn’t know at all.

An Empath nightmare.

I stayed two hours.  (an hour longer than I really wanted to.)

And, then I bolted.

Didn’t say goodbye to a single soul.

So out of character for me and totally against how I was raised.

I just could not breathe and got a tad panicky.

Totally beat myself up the next morning.

In addition, I had to do some heavy duty boundary setting with three separate people….something that I am not yet completely comfortable with, but, gaining strength.  And, seeing how much lack of boundaries has led to my victim mentality.

Ten lashes, Paula.

The voice inside my head said – “You are such a loser.  Who are you to tell someone what is, and what isn’t acceptable to you?  Why should you expect someone to do as they promise?  Who are you to tell someone that you don’t want to listen to them go on ad nauseum about how great they are?  What makes you think that it’s ok to say no to someone when they tell you what to do?”

I went to a yoga class with a friend, in spite of my wanting to hermit inside of Agnes.

It was just what I needed.

And then this from a friend who does human design readings – “Open Heart Mantra: I do not have to prove anything to anyone, including myself.”

And then, the best part of all – an evening with a friend who lives in my old “hood” in Taos – a rambling walk on the Mesa, walking by my old home, followed by a great healthy meal, ceremonial songs, metaphysical discussions, and breathtaking sunset.

WTF, Paula Jean????

You did NOT fail at all.  In fact, you passed with flying colors.  You are just not used to this new way of thinking and being.   You weren’t taught to take care of yourself and to set boundaries.  You were taught to be the good girl and make everyone happy, even at your own expense. You have had this perverse way of thinking that everyone needs to like you.  It’s a new way of “being” for you, and so, just like when you exercise for the first time in a long time and your muscles are sore, so too when you try out new ways of being, you are going to have sore and tender “muscles”.

Ahhhhhhhh…..there is the lesson.

We are all shifting and changing at such a rapid rate right now, that sometimes we don’t know which way is up.  We question ourselves.  Some of us beat ourselves up – better than anyone else can.  It’s a new way of “being”.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s foreign.

But, it’s necessary.

Be gentle on yourself.  These are unchartered waters for most of us.

Be gentle on others.  Again, these are unchartered waters.

Lord God, if we can’t love, forgive and have compassion for ourselves, how can we have it for others? (Think about that!!!)

May We Walk Together As One.




How important is customer service?

Yada, Yada, Yada (16 x 16))I’ve had a unique experience that I want to share with you all.  Especially with those of you who are artists and are making a go of being considered a professional in your field.

On September the 11th, I ordered a piece of artwork to be sent to my dear friend who had just emerged from Hurricane Irma, as a gift to her to remember that she is special.  The artist is an acquaintance friend, who is extremely gifted in a unique form of art, and a very dear person.

I paid her right away, and she promised to ship that weekend.

As you can imagine, I was anxious for my friend in Florida to receive the gift, as she had just gone through the hurricane, and I wanted to lift her spirits.

Mid week, the next week, I sent a message to the artist, asking when she expected it to be there.  She stated that she was having some financial difficulties, and could not afford to ship right then.  I offered her an extra $20 if she would ship it right away.  She thanked me profusely, and promised to get it out right away, along with the promise that she would include a special extra for making me wait, and send me pics. (That’s two promises so far!)

Six days later, I checked in with the artist again.  No response for a couple of days.  Then, a response, with the excuse of family issues.  I understand.  Things happen that are unforeseen.

Another week went by…another promise of making it to the Post Office that day.

And yet another week – another promise.

I offered her suggestions.

More excuses.

Today, I made an uncomfortable decision (after messaging her a few more times, with no response – and being promised six times total that she would ship), to file a complaint with Paypal.

I love this artist. She is gifted.  She is soulful. She has that “intangible” that I speak about ad nauseum.

BUT, she doesn’t have customer service.

I don’t trust anything she says anymore….which is unfortunate, because SHE is an artist I would love to support, but can’t.

I went on her facebook page – several collectors have made comments about the same issue.  Which makes me sad for her.

Artists are collectors.  I am a HUGE collector, but, unfortunately, I will not be collecting her art.


Probably one of the most important things that you do.

Communicate with your collectors.  Occasionally, snafus happen.  Communicate.

But, never make promises that you can’t or won’t keep.

And, don’t take 5 plus weeks to ship.

May we walk together as one.



Confessions of a (almost former) people pleaser

Lord God…we are all being hit with so much right now.  As if all of the hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, and state of our country isn’t enough, we are being asked to step up and into our authentic powerful god/and goddess selves which translates to….well….chaos….which means big change for so many. Our lessons are coming at…Continue Reading

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