I Really Don’t Give a S#!T!

Warrior Goddess (36 x 36)
Warrior Goddess (36 x 36)

Interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago.   Any painting that I have created in my career as an artist and posted on FaceBook, I constantly check to see how many likes I receive.  Call it insecurity.  Call it wanting to be liked (after all – what we create as an artist is an extension of who we are – we put our souls on canvas….at least some of us do!!!)  Call it ego.   Call it whatever you want to call it.

But, I think it happens to most of us.

My mantra for this past year has been to create authentic art.

The kind of art that my soul – my guides – my muse – BEGS, INSISTS and DEMANDS me to paint!!!!!   It’s not always easy, and sometimes my creations fall flat (translation – unsaleable!!).

I do it anyway.

I even tried an experiment a year ago, providing two galleries with cows (that they were begging me to paint), that my soul didn’t go into.  I furthered that experiment this year taking those unsold paintings to a benefit sale where my cows fly off the wall like hotcakes….but….they didn’t.  Not a single one sold!!!  NOT ONE!!!!   And they were priced cheap.

Hmmmmmm…….

I came back and decided – F**K it!!!!  I’m painting what I’m being asked to paint.

And I posted it.

With this:  “Oh holy s#!%!!!!!! I don’t even care if NO one likes her…I’ve been wanting to do abstracted figures… and I love doing this!!!  I’m loving playing with pigments. And textures.  Definitely a HUGE learning curve, but, SO DAMN FUN!  I’m a giddy (and happy) camper.”

And, I really didn’t care.

For the first time since I have started painting – I really didn’t give a rat’s A$$ what a single soul thought. It was creation of the purest form.   I lost all track of time – and honestly – I can’t remember ever not caring a bit.

And, of course, admonishment came.

Sorry, but you are the first one to judge and tag your artwork by saying, -I don’t care if no ones like her-What make you think that? It’s like saying, well is not that pretty but I like it because I had fun. Mixed words caused some confusion.”

Of course – those words made me think – and came with perfect timing….Thank you GUS (God, Universe, Spirit)!!!!!

Maybe for the commentor, this was true……but……she has no idea what my path and my journey are all about.  It’s taken my whole life to finally be able to say (and mean it) that I really didn’t care what people think.

Many artists are finding themselves in the same boat as I am in.  They are torn between being “art factories” and creating art that sells, and yet, their souls scream “CREATE FOR THE SAKE OF CREATING!!!”

I believe now more than ever the world needs the messages that come through us…it’s why we were/are called to be artists.   I will say that I don’t believe that this calling is for everyone.  I think it is for those of us that KNOW that we are here to change the world by being authentic.  By simply being who we are.   AND, I believe that if we following our authentic calling with integrity, that GUS will take care of us.

I’m a creator.  I love trying new materials.  I love figuring out how to make it work for me in my style.

I LOVE THE PROCESS!!!

And, fellow creators, that intangible JOY translates to your creations!!!   Your peeps (and also, your non-peeps) can feel it.   When you get a comment like – “I don’t know why I am drawn to your art – but – I HAVE to have it.” – that’s how you know that you have created something that carries the one thing that some artists don’t have – the soul factor.

Create.

Rinse.

Repeat.

No fear.

Just pure soulful, authentic, joyful creation.

May We Walk Together As One.

Much Love,

Paula

Conflict, Boundaries and Guilt

Be Someone's Light (24 x 24)God, I used to hate conflict…boundary was not in my vocabulary….and NO ONE was better at guilting themselves than I was.  I was the Queen.

But, something happened this last year on my journey.   I kept attracting the same sort of people.  Victim-ish and vampirish.  AND, as you know, that means there were lessons there, once I became aware.  Mirror lessons.  Painful (but much needed) to see when I knew that I had exhibited that sort of behavior.

When I initially became aware of why the victim behavior affected me so much – I took it upon myself to write an insightful email to a friend who showed the same signs that I had – gently and carefully pointing out that I saw in her the same way of self-sabotaging herself that I had done in the past.  I loved her, a lot, and did not want to completely disengage from our relationship – which would have been the way I would have handled it in the past.

I set a gentle boundary – something that was very uncomfortable for me to do – after having grown up in a family where boundary was a four letter word.

I did it because her behavior made me uneasy when I realized it was a deep pattern of mine – and I couldn’t stomach being faced with my own darkness.

It was essential that I started owning my own shit, so I started working with someone who could help me change those patterns.

Fast forward a few months…

Rinse and repeat.

Again.

and

Again.

This time, the boundary was not so gentle.

I saw my darkness clearly, and needed distance, to not allow myself to fall back into that old way of thinking and interacting.

When one sets boundaries, there seems to be a bit of guilt (old patterning) attached to it.  As well as gaslighting oneself.  I went back and read all of my old emails to see if there was any “mean” in them.  Nope – only love and compassion – something that I would have like to have received from someone to help me in my past.

The final straw came….and a decision had to made.  Did I love myself enough to cut the person out of my life to protect my newly forming patterns?

Oh Lord – talk about a difficult decision.

Yes….was the intuitive answer.

I felt good.  Amazing, actually.

Enter in monkey mind with old programming.

I started feeling guilty….and when I worked through that, and the guilt left….I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.

It’s ok to put up boundaries, and take care of oneself.

In fact, it is essential.

Repeat after me

BOUNDARIES ARE A GOOD THING!

We are taught that they are bad.  We are taught to allow others to walk all over us.  Women, especially, are taught to be nice.  Don’t speak up.  Be the good girl.

But, I have to tell you….I do feel good…a bit sad for the loss of the friendship….but, pretty good overall.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

Disconnect-ed

I think that, for the most part right now….(and I’m NOT speaking for everyone), we are disconnect-ed.  We have grown up thinking and being taught one way, and yet, our intuition, our heart, is saying another.   Or it is a combination of the two – or a HUGE internal battle. I’m only speaking for myself…Continue Reading

I failed.

Yesterday morning was tough on me.  I went into a “Why can’t you seem to do anything right” spot.  I went to a party the night before, and got completely overwhelmed.  LOTS of people in a very small space.  Some I knew well.  Some I knew as an acquaintance.  But, most I didn’t know at…Continue Reading

How important is customer service?

I’ve had a unique experience that I want to share with you all.  Especially with those of you who are artists and are making a go of being considered a professional in your field. On September the 11th, I ordered a piece of artwork to be sent to my dear friend who had just emerged…Continue Reading

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