I’ve been AWOL

And here is why….Occasionally life throws us curve balls.  Last week I got the flu.  Full blown, even to the point that I went to the clinic to get checked…Such a rare thing for me.

Then, my son’s lung collapsed and he had to be hospitalized.  He had been trying to get health insurance since May of 2017, and despite numerous phone calls, and following the Health care.gov rules…nada, zippo, zilch!

We finally made it home last week Sunday and I woke up Sunday night having a FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK!!!  I couldn’t breathe, listen, speak, or eat.  As a matter of a fact – I honestly thought I was dying!!!   I painted From the Ashes, because I thought it would help….and it did….temporarily.  From the Ashes (24 x 24)

Monday night – rinse and repeat.  Same thing – not as severe – but same symptoms.

I became hyper aware that I couldn’t discuss the specifics of the attack – and set some boundaries that are always difficult for me to set.  And, compassion kicked in.  For those who suffer with these on a regular basis, AND, for myself.

When I could finally see what happened, and could process a bit – The Sassy Pants series was born.

I needed the reminder that “I” had the power!  No one else.  Just me.

I think that artists are unique in that we are able to paint our way through our emotions, and lessons…..not that we are always able to…..but, we can, if we just release and allow.

Getting Her S#!T Together came first – VERY LARGE – and hung in a place in my home that I look at it daily. 









Then came On Her Soapbox to remind me to be grateful. 








After that was Fake it till you Make it – I had never really considered being sassy enough to pretend. And yet, for some reason, I felt the need to paint this colorful being. (She is available for $575 with free shipping in the US – 24 x 36 x .5 – regular price $1300)








I’m not sure why this happened, totally, but, I have my thoughts.  I think one of the main reasons is to learn how to be less judgy and more compassionate.  Another reason is to remind me that there is a power greater than me at work here (Thank you GUS!), and that I really do need to learn how to release and allow.  Still a third reason that I have yet to look at is deeply personal – and something I have been avoiding like the plague, and so GUS (thank you AGAIN!), threw it in my face, so that I have no other option BUT to look at it!!!

This being AWOL has allowed me to see clearer (now that I am on the other side), and has really upped my compassion game.

I’m very fortunate to have had some incredible friends share their experiences, and the breathing techniques that help them when they feel a panic attack coming on.  It doesn’t completely eliminate them, but, it makes them easier to navigate.

May We Walk Together As One.





5 Responses to I’ve been AWOL

  1. Paula…as usual I can relate and connect as an artist and inner worker myself! Art heals. Inner work also heals…however the road to healing through inner work is most difficult but at the same time rewarding, generates growth and self love. Keep at it. Walk your walk and dig deep!
    Love, light and blessings.

  2. First I am glad creativity came out of the panic! but When I read the whole story. Just maybe the panic is an after effect of the flu and thus something that heals. As always I love how you put it all out there on the canvas!

  3. Panic like this is an odd thing. I often see people awakened with it in the middle of the night. And often it comes well after the worst part of the situation is long past. Thank you for sharing your lessons from it. I hope things are smoothing over. I love the beauty that came of it. Hugs and love ❤️ !

Leave a reply

About Paula