I know why he did it…..

Van Gogh's Sunflowers
Van Gogh’s Sunflowers

…..why he cut off his ear.   Picasso.  Or was it Van Gogh?   Oh yes, it was Van Gogh.   I remember now.   A friend calls me Paula Van Jones.  Hmmmm, is it because she thinks I am going to cut off my ear?  That’s how I remember who cut off his ear.

Sometimes, being an artist is frustrating.   For the most part it is an incredible process.   We get to do who we are.   We get to BE (one of my new favorite words) who we are.    It consumes every part of our life.   Just like being a parent.   It is 24/7, 52 weeks of the year, 365 days, when we sleep, when we eat, when we….well, you get the picture.

But, sometimes we get writer’s block.   Oh, no, we don’t get writer’s block, we get whatever it is that artists call it when they can’t paint, or they NEED to paint for an event, or nothing seems to look good to them.   We get blocked or frustrated or what ever we call it.

When I get that way, I understand why ole Vincent cut off his ear.   You KNOW as an artist that it is in there, somewhere, but for some reason it just won’t come.   And it is always (or usually – I tend to be on the dramatic side) when there is a deadline looming, or someone says, “we could really use another x amount of paintings. Can you just pull them out of your a#%?”   Arrrggghhhh….    No I can’t.   But, I’ll try to…. not that I relish the thought of that…   LOL!!!

And so, when this happens, I have two friends that I call and state “That’s it.   I’m not an artist!”   The comment from one was …   “OMG Paula, not this again….you know better!”   And the comment from the other was….    “Take that back….you know you are, you are just going through a creative block.”   Dang it….I hate it when someone else is right about me.   And I’m not.

And so, I decided to write this to work through some of my frustration.   I have been walking outside and enjoying the last few days of Indian Summer.   I have been looking at other wonderful art on the internet.   I have been dreaming about how I can paint again.   I have been dreaming my life.

I have had a lot of changes in my world again this year.   Very common theme on my journey right now.   Perhaps spirit is trying to tell me that I need to roll with the punches.   I know I do.   I have been given soooo many incredible gifts from spirit.   I need to learn to take time to be more grateful.   I need to learn how to just BE with me.  Allow myself time to heal rather than push constantly.

Okay….Lesson noted….not completely learned….but noted.

No ear slicing.   No running around the Mesa nekked screaming “I’ll never be an artist!”  Just taking time to be.   Relaxing and being grateful.

I may have a new “baby” coming into by life – but that will be saved for another day.

Blessings to all.


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