I miss my family

  • More than I could even share with anyone.
  • So much, it causes pain. Physical pain.

This journey, this path…..seems to include a stripping away of the old energies and many of us are being asked to leave that which has always been a part of us.   It’s not always easy, and it frequently causes guilt feelings, as well as heartache, but it is a common message that many of us are getting.   For instance, why the hell would anyone leave what I left?   A comfy, cushy life, with a great husband who was generous, (but, I might add, was never in love with me), and very sweet to me….anything  that I wanted or needed….anything!  Why??    I’m going through, right now, a phase of asking, wondering and meditating.   The same answer keeps coming – “Because, little one, you have things to do, and you must learn how to be one with yourself first, before you can teach the concept of All One”.    hmmmmm….. And, I couldn’t, because I would not have been authentic and from integrity.

So it made me think of when a person commits to a life of serving “the Lord” – becoming a priest or a nun.  This is what I found about becoming a nun.

  1. Go through the novitiate, or training period. You’ll spend your time studying, praying and deciding whether you really want to become a nun. You leave your family at this time.
  2. Take temporary vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience.
  3. Take your final vows. If you made good on your temporary vows, you’re ready for the religious life.

Wow…..lots of similarities.    I spoke with someone this week who also chose to follow a spiritual path – she said she didn’t speak to her family for 5 years.   Told me they thought she was crazy….completely nuts….a fruitcake…..should be committed.

But what makes the spiritual path so much different from a religious path?  I’m asking….   Are there really any answers?   Both paths serve something not “seen” but felt and known.   Because one path is a business and the other really isn’t, does it make one more “right” than the other?

And so, I share with you this….on Memorial Day weekend….I miss my family.  I miss my nieces and nephews.  I miss my brothers and sister.  I miss my mom. I miss the farm.  Thank goodness Spirit didn’t ask me to give up my children…..

But, I am, at peace.   I understand the reasons.  I understand the gifts that come.

Michael deserved his freedom – to find someone to love.   And he has.  She is beautiful and perfect for him.  And it is beautiful.



7 Responses to I miss my family

  1. WOW! Paula that was some blog. You’re writing is truly uplifting and wonderful. You are and always have been a very good person. I know, deep down , that you’re family misses you very much, too.

    You have a blessed Memorial Day Weekend and keep the faith!

    Love you,

  2. Miss Paula….this was one of the most raw, authentic and beautiful pieces. Thank you so much for sharing your words, insights and truth with the rest of us. You are an inspiration. I love you, mama.


  3. Paula,

    Just the title of this blog pulled at my gut! I went through so much anguish and depression when we left Michigan and moved to Taos because I missed everyone so much.We didn’t know anyone in Taos when we packed up our life and left our kids and family. During the time we lived in Taos, I made so many connections and lifelong friends and our roots had grown deep. I am still so split between the two worlds of family (which is where much guilt comes from) and Taos, where I felt like I was thriving in an artistic sense. My time in Taos taught me alot! Thanks for your writing Paula.

  4. paula – just catching up on a few of your musings….. you can be called to a different path, and still long (at times) for the old – i agree with you in that there may not be any real difference between giving one’s life to spirit, and dedicating a life to God: As long as each seeker is doing what feels authentic, and RIGHT (not necessarily comfortable) for themselves. i admire your courage – more than you will ever know. i could not have taken the leap that you did….and this broken body will never allow me to do what i believe is best – not that i even know what’s right anymore. i just know i’m feeling a little sad, and i miss my old/new friend – i’ll always love and support you, no matter who y9u are. hugs,

    lisa kk

    p.s. i want to kiss that cow right on her cute little schnozz!

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