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The #toomuchwoman

The #toomuchwoman Angel
The #toomuchwoman Angel

I think that many of us can agree….it’s been a year….a year of ups and downs…a year of change…a year of rebirth….especially for those of us that have chosen a spiritual path.  I think to say that it has been a year filled with lessons, aha’s, and growth would probably minimize what most of us have felt.

One of the things I have had to learn how to do is to be quiet.  Hard for this grand fire trine woman, but, one of the things that I have figured out is that the answers lie in the quiet.  I’ve been such a “doer” all my life, that being forced to be quiet (if you don’t do what GUS – God, Universe, Spirit – is asking – “he” will find a way to MAKE you do it!), has been one of the most challenging lessons of all for me.

I’ve been forced to take a lot of “down” time, but, it hasn’t been unproductive at all.  Even with the move, I’ve chosen to “do” things I wouldn’t normally do.  One of the most rewarding experiences for me has been taking time to read a plethora of journals and sketch books that I have kept since consciously committing to the life of a lightworker.

It’s been a year of muddling through the muck….feeling like a failure….and wondering why.

But, so many things came together for me while reading my Pollyanna musings the past few days.

Depression, apathy, and everything that goes with it, have been my closest friends the past 6 (or more) months.

Pollyanna had gone missing.

Reading my journals brought me right back to square one.  The reason why I am here.

Frequently in my writings, I stated that I am not everyone’s cup of tea…that I am different…sometimes feeling alone….sometimes lonely….but, I wouldn’t trade this path for anything.

I’ve always been a #toomuchwoman for most people.

A catalyst.

One that makes statements that people frequently look at me with the WTF stare!

I lost that this year.  I shrank.  I became less than.  I thought I needed to be the person that others expected me to be.

AND, I got sick because my mind, body and spirit were not in alignment.

However, in the spirit of total transparency, (which is one of the reasons I am here), it’s been a good thing for me to be aware of.

One of my HUGE issues is people pleasing.  Worrying about what they think of me.  Wondering if they think I’m crazy.

This is the year I am giving that up.

I’ve realized that who I am, is one who helps others not feel alone by writing my stories. Sharing my lessons.  My aha’s.  My growth, and my setbacks.  The number of people that write me and tell me their stories is mind-blowing sometimes, and I would not have it any other way.  I always try to hold sacred space for those who are hurting, and willing to move forward, but, I don’t hold space for those who insist on staying in their victim mentality.

My circle of friends is much smaller.  Quality over quantity.

I’ve had many mentors over the years and the ones I respect and honor the most, are the ones who aren’t afraid to also share their process.  The ones who will say, “Yeah, life sucks sometimes…..but that is where the growth occurs….”.  I know when someone is honest, and when someone is blowing smoke up my ass.  Most of the time, I honor my intuition, and when I don’t, I’m grateful for the lesson. (Most of the time!!!)

One of the biggest things I’ve become acutely aware of is how tightly we are interwoven.  Personally, I gain strength from those who have had their feet held to the fire, and walk through it.  For those of you, I am grateful.  And, conversely, I am also grateful to those who choose not to also, because, I know that there is no shame in playing it safe – it’s just not for me.

This post is to say THANK YOU for each and every one of you who have impacted my life in one way or another.  I would not be the person I am today, had it not been for you.

May We Walk Together As One.

Much Love,

Paula

 

 

Why am I having a sale?

I realize how unconventional having a sale is.   I also know that many will have their opinions about this.  And, quite frankly, I have weighed all of the options.

I am a self supporting professional artist….which means, my only income is from the sales of my art.  I absolutely feel very blessed to have been given this gift this lifetime.

However, with this gift comes different challenges that those who have a 9-5 type of a job.  We are disposable income.

So it takes thinking outside of the box to figure out how to make it.

AND, I’m determined.

I’ve always said that I believe in the power of art – to heal, and to make a difference in people’s everyday life.  I’ve been told from collectors that they love getting up in the morning and seeing my art on their walls, because it makes them smile. This is why I continue to paint.

I’ve left several galleries this year for a wide variety of reasons – mostly because I am becoming clearer about my path, why I am here, and the ones that I have left are not congruent or authentic to who I am.  I don’t play the political game well (understatement!), and for me it is not in alignment to mass produce or to be told what to produce.

My paintings come from another world – another place – along with messages that are specific to certain collectors.

That being said, I believe that everyone should be able to afford those pieces that call to them.  One hundred dollars to one person may be $1000 to another and vise versa.  One of my fondest memories is selling a painting to a woman who truly could not afford a painting for much less than what I normally do (it was older – AND a study).  Every once in a while I receive a picture from her with the painting hanging in her home – Thanking me profusely for allowing her to purchase a painting that spoke to her soul for what was a fortune to her at the time.

I also HATE throwing paintings away, which is what some do with their studies and older work.   I’ve always been a bit of a recycler in that I paint over a lot of older paintings and studies….but….right now, my studio is overrun with not so current work – and I had a dream/vision that I was to do this.

One of the reasons that I am doing this is to stir up the energy….to allow for new messages and visions to flow through me.

This is right FOR ME….maybe not for others….but FOR ME.

AND – We all have to be authentic to who we are.

This is not so different than a retail business having sales to move out their old inventory to make way for new…

Sooooooo……Here is the link to my sale on Facebook….

I’m doing this on a trial basis – if it goes well – I’m sure there will be more in the future – but only older paintings and studies – which allows me to continue to explore and paint!!!

Thank you all for supporting me throughout the 15 years I have been painting!!

May We Walk Together As One.

Is “reality” real?

Big question that friends and I have been throwing around lately. What exactly IS “reality”? According to Wiki this is what “reality” is:  Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.[1] Reality includes everything that is and has been, whether or not it… Continue Reading

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