Tag Archives: self-love

Twelve and a half years….

There is love
There is Love

….I’ve been painting.  It seems like yesterday when I had my first lesson from my best friend who worked with me at KU Med Center as a nurse, and then, she turned all artistic on me!!!   I was remodeling houses at the time, and had an old plaster ceiling fall on my head, to which her response was, “You are going to kill yourself or get hurt doing this.  Come and take a lesson with me!”

I did.

Little did I know what “being” an artist was, nor how it would change my life.

It’s the only job (other than being a parent) that I have done in my life when I don’t wonder when quitting time is – actually, there is NO quitting time, because being an artist encompasses every aspect of my life.  It’s not just what I do, it is who I am!

I know that I am “connected” when I lose track of time, forget to eat and shower (ewwwww!)!

I started painting landscapes, then cows, chickens and pigs, after that I did the obligatory fruit, then felt the call to paint abstracts.   All along fighting.  And wondering why I was painting, as well as what my purpose was in the world.   I had a major AHA moment at one point and started painting angels, ethereal beings and figures, but I was told by another artist whom I respected at the time, that they weren’t “good enough”.   Maybe they weren’t, or maybe it was just her opinion, but I stopped.

Only to be called back again to paint them.

I have learned so much throughout my years of painting.   I’ve learned the rules, and how to break them.   I’ve learned that “I” have to trust what I am being led to paint, without listening to what someone else “thinks” I “should” paint.   I’ve learned to trust my intuition.

I’ve learned that not all gurus have your best interest at heart.   I’ve learned to make mistakes, and how to make them an integral part of the painting.  I’ve learned that not everyone is going to be moved by what I paint. And that THAT is OK.   I’ve learned to let go of needing people’s approval.

I’ve gained self-confidence and self-love.   I’ve gained respect for myself and my “craft”.

I paint angels.  I love painting them.  Occasionally I still feel “weird” about saying that, but I know that is what I am supposed to be painting.

They come in with messages – mostly about love….AND, I feel weird about sharing that with you all.   But, it’s my truth.  I’ve done a lot of work, and spent a lot of money on therapy to realize that only I can be me, and it’s not up to anyone else to tell me how to be, AND, to not listen to what they have to say.

Finally, I feel as though I am content being me.  I am happy in my life and I don’t rely on anyone else to “make” me happy.

About frickin’ time.



Lessons from a weed….errr….flower garden

All we are is love

I just got back from the most life changing opportunity I have ever had.  I have been drawn to do a shamanic journey for about 6 years.  It’s an intense journey, and one never knows what to expect.  I met incredible people who I now consider family members who give nothing but unconditional love.  Never before in my life have I been gifted so much by so many who I don’t even know.  We thought, felt and breathed as one.

After my last night and tearful morning – I headed to Taos for some much needed reflective time and connection with the Mountain.

I had no idea where I was going to stay.  I had my camper, but was about camped out.  And it was going to be cold.  I posted on Facebook that I was heading up that direction and would love to connect with as many as I could.   A friend offered me his place.   He was out of town.  A result of my journey?  I choose to believe so.

I wrote, I painted, I cried, I laughed.  I visited quietly with many friends, and shared laughter and music.

Then came time.  Time to head back to Arkansas.   Time to leave the land that has enchanted me ( I know, right?), and healed me.

I needed to do something physical after returning home.  I needed to feel the earth.  My child and I decided (well, I was the one to decide) to go pull weeds.

WHOA – the lessons started pouring in!!!

“Is this a weed?”

“Yes.  See how it is taking over everything choking everything in it’s path, threatening to take over?”

Time to pull.

Aha – much like it is time to “pull” people out of your life that no longer belong there because they are choking you and threatening to take over.  It’s not a bad thing….it allows for more beauty to show.

“What about this?”

“Hmmmm – not sure.   Let’s let it grow a while, and then we can decide.”

It occurred to me that this is what it is like when you first meet someone and you are not sure.   You give them time to grow – to see if they are beautiful – or if they just don’t fit into your garden.  Time to decide.  It doesn’t have to be right now – let them develop.

The weed – ummmm – flower garden was now looking good.   More flowers than weeds.  I think.

But, it took work.  Hard work.  Committment.  Time.  Much like our lives require.  We can’t just plant and then walk away.  We need to be watered.  We need to pull weeds.  We need to commit to making ourselves the  beautiful person that we came here to be.

It doesn’t happen over night.

It takes time.

But I promise you, that you will be rewarded with the most glorious flower garden.  Weeds come and weeds go.  It’s work – but the most rewarding work you could ever do – for you – for us – we are truly all one.  I know it. I’ve experienced it.  It’s MAGICAL.

Much love,


What to do…..

…..when you feel like you are being guided to paint something that is almost unexplainable even to you?   How do you translate that to canvas?  And, how do you explain it to those who are asking for an explanation? I started painting “beings” a year or so ago….but, they were unfinished.  Kinda raw and tattered.  … Continue Reading

The Never Ending Search for love

I am addicted to love.   The thought of love anyway.  I’m not sure I’m addicted to love.   Maybe I am.  At least the search for love.  The thought of love.  But, I don’t think I really know what love really is.   I don’t think I’ve ever really BEEN IN LOVE.  Seriously.  I was married for… Continue Reading

I’m writing a book. Period.

Dayum Gina….  Now I’ve said it out loud.  To all who care to read this post.   DAYUM!!!  Sheet Fahr and save matches!   And Hells Bells.   Okay.  Ya’ll get the picture.   I’ve gotten the message for a while and have resisted the urge, mostly because I didn’t know what to do, how to do it, or… Continue Reading

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