Category Archives: Everyday Life

Almost down the rabbit hole….

….and what I did to stop it.

Interesting times for those of us who are on a spiritual journey.  We seem to be getting slammed right and left and up and down with lessons, testing our resolve to this path.  It’s like Spirit, God, or whatever you believe in, is saying:  ARE YOU REALLY READY TO COMPLETELY WALK YOUR TALK?????!!!!!

I am…I think…well, actually, I know, AND, I also know what saying yes to this journey also entails.  It’s not always easy, but, OMG, it is the most rewarding thing you can ever do for yourself.

I’ve become aware of my little girl Sallie, who was “born” at age 4 or 5.  She became my protector….actually….she became my main personality.  She has dealt with my life, from a 5 year old perspective.  And, wow, I realized, looking back this morning, how kinda F*&%$ED up it was.  To deal with my life as an adult from a 5 year old perspective.   I have dealt with issues my whole life (not ALL the time, but…  A LOT….of the time), from that wounded little girl perspective.  She never had a chance to be a child.  To play, and enjoy all of the gifts that life has to offer to a little girl.  She felt as though she needed to be perfect, and take care of everyone.  After all, she was the oldest in the family, and that meant responsibility.

I’m very fortunate to be working with two amazing people right now to help me through this….and yet, I know that it has to come from me.

This morning – I started down that rabbit hole – that one where all of the old programming came up – Sallie was present and ready to kick some proverbial ass….I stopped….dead in my tracks….and actually told her that I have it now….that she can go back to being the child that she was never able to be.

“So, I can go back to being a kid again, and paint the paintings that I am?”

Absolutely Sallie.

This is where my latest series – The Little Girl and Tiny Tots – are being born from.  It’s from that adult little girl who was never allowed to play – because she choose to take on all of that responsibility for keeping me “safe” in the only way she knew how – from a 5 year old perspective.

I’m certainly not over the hump yet, but the latest journey has provided me with invaluable insight into what makes me tick…and has allowed me to be much more compassionate with others’ journeys.

None of us truly knows what wounds others carry – but, a little bit of compassion and love, goes a long way.

We are truly walking each other home.

Finding Herself…

FInding Herself
FInding Herself

….And all because she chose to take the path less traveled….

As many of you know, (and you may get tired of hearing about it), going to Standing Rock to help protect the water and the earth, changed and affected me in a profound manner.   I knew something was there for me, and I knew it would alter and challenge my existence, I just didn’t know how.

I DO KNOW, however, that committing to a spiritual path will make you, at times, feel as though you are being broken into a million pieces, to let the light in…

I can feel that the world is getting ready to make a conscious shift.  There will definitely be some darkness that will come out (and is already), and those of us that have chosen to be the light bearers are being tested and asked to grow in ways we never thought possible.   At times, it feels like we are being ripped apart.  To get rid of the gunk, the stuff we have buried so deep, the stuff that wakes us up at night in total fear.

My deepest knowing is that this is an essential part of the changes that are coming.

I have two big fears – one is having enough money to live on as an artist, and the other is being alone. (Well, actually three – I always worry about what others think about me!)

I have had a dream for many, many years…  I want badly to be able to follow the whale migration down the Western Coast of the United States, and paint my way down the coast.  In a camper….but, in a bigger one than Candy Scamper Camper.

After the election, (and because of all of the uncertainty) I made a conscious decision – to take some of my savings and buy a rig to go on the road.  I’m not getting any younger – and – I’m tired of waiting for someone to do it with!!!!   TWO OF MY BIGGEST FEARS out in the open.

First order of business to find a big enough truck to tow what I want to tow – (and, Spirit, could she please have a fifth wheel hitch, extending mirrors, extra towing package AND low miles???)  White Pony (and/or Blanca Badass – Thank you Brooke Tatum), showed up.  The rapidity at how fast everything was happening was almost mind blowing.

AND THEN….

Enter in Chloe – a 32 foot Montana Mountaineer – complete with a winter package – a washer/dryer combo – a cheesy electric fireplace (not on my list – but – OH SO WELCOME!), a great area to use as a studio (complete with TONS OF STORAGE) – AND a bathtub!!!!  Not a big one, but, I can lie down in (although I still haven’t quite figured out what to do with my legs when I do that!), and soak when I need to.

I decided to camp at a campground VERY close to my home in Bella Vista, AR….The space they gave me was #53 – a sign from my Mom who died on May 3rd – the year I turned 53.  She always has a way of letting me know when she supports my decisions!!!

And, if that wasn’t enough, a friend (Thank you Sheri Esarte for listening to YOUR intuition) painted a painting of a Red Horse (my given Navajo name), on the day of the full moon that I received my name.  She also gifted me with an arrowhead.  I was also gifted that day with a key chain that had an Indian face, arrowhead, and an eagle (my totem animal) on it, along with a piece of turquoise.

I’m on my virgin journey with her right now –  I followed my intuition (and the signs) and headed to Gallup, NM to paint, write and visit parts of the Navajo (Diné) reservation that have been calling to me since I first visited Shiprock many years ago to participate in Sundance Ceremony.  I don’t know why yet, I just know I am supposed to be here.  (And they TRIED to give me space #53 – except it didn’t have 50 AMP service!  THANKS MOM, for letting me know that this is the right decision!!!).

I’ve been painting.  And writing.  Amazed at what is coming through me.  I start a painting, and just let the messages flow through me.   I disappear.  The signs keep coming.  I know I am where I am supposed to be, and I’m good with that.  I don’t know WHY I’m here, yet, but, I’m sure that will be revealed IF I can be patient enough!!!

Finding Herself is the second painting I have done since arriving in Gallup.  I planned on painting something else, but THEY (the muses and guides) would have nothing to do with what “I” wanted.

Her message was channeled in by my friend Sara Burch – “Be as you are….marvel in your uniqueness, and transcend to your greatness!”

A clear message for all of us.  ALL OF US!!!   We are all here to be uniquely us.  Who we chose to be this lifetime.

Yup, life is good.  If I can just stop fighting myself.

Blessings to all,

Red Horse (aka Lii Łichíí)

 

 

 

Battle won….

….but the “war” continues. I rolled over at 3 AM to this text from a wise man whom I greatly respect regarding the “battle” at Standing Rock. “Not one prayer, but collective prayers, are the true miracle of #nodapl.” ….I smiled, knowing it is true, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my guides,…Continue Reading

Connections and Healings come from the oddest places.

Thanksgiving was very different this year.  Energetically completely off the charts.  It started out the same as it has in years past, with many of the main characters present.  But, the energy was a far cry from what it normally is. Let me set the stage. My son-in-laws parents are very different from me.  Not…Continue Reading

Love really is the answer

I received my first “hate” message since joining the movement in Standing Rock.  I knew it was coming because I had just read an article that a friend sent me about a friend of his who had been murdered because of his activist activity. “Paula. I have a question about your rebellion with the pipeline…Continue Reading

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