Category Archives: Everyday Life

I am NOT a Love Avoider…

Walk Barefoot
Walk Barefoot

….nor am I an ultra-feminist, or a narcissist…..BUT, I am a Highly Sensitive Empath….

Once again, a very vulnerable post – yet, I feel the need to share.

The backstory…because it’s a doozy, and I think that many of you can relate.

I choose to go to a therapist a year and a half ago.  She was recommended to me as highly spiritual who could help me on a much deeper level, which is what I wanted.  I desired to work with someone who understood spiritual principle, as well as how to function in today’s world with all of the energies that bombard us as spiritual beings having a human experience.

I was ready to get down to MY nitty gritty.  AND, ultimately, I did….but, on my own, although the therapist played a huge part, just not in the way that she intended, which is frequently the case.

She labeled me.  First, I was a love avoider.  Then, I found out she told the man that I was dating that I was a narcissist and ultra-feminist.

I spiraled.  It was a slippery slope downhill.

After all, as a child I was taught to respect the opinion and not question authority figures.  After all, they had training in that field, and I didn’t.

But, was that MY truth?

Or the therapist’s truth?

I got angry. (After the downhill spiral where I was sure I was a total failure in life and would never amount to anything – so why even try?)  VERY angry.  I went to her for help, and all she did was label me, sweep me under the rug, and tell the man that I was dating why he shouldn’t be with me.

She never took the time with me to work on the reason why I came to her.  Which were intimacy issues.

So, I started doing my own research.  I found another therapist, and worked with a brilliant human who specifically works with Empaths.  I came across Dr. Judith Orloff….It’s like she knew me.  Everything about me.  My need for solitude, quiet and alone time.  Why I couldn’t sleep with someone else.  Why I felt like I was crazy.  The importance of boundaries…(Which was also what my brilliant human – Brooke Tatum – had told me for years!!)

Turns out MY truth, was not the therapists truth.  I didn’t question…until I did.  Nothing about what she said about me felt true – and I came across a phenomenal article in Elephant Journal while doing my research, after taking a plethora of online quizzes to see whether or not I was a narcissist (all results – no matter how often I took them – was a resounding NO!), that spoke to me, and probably to many.   It was about whether or not an Empath can be a narcissist……DEFINITELY NOOOOOO!!!

My truth.

Not the therapists.

Not the man I was dating.

MY TRUTH.

Had I not questioned her authority, I would still be down that deep dark rabbit hole, wondering if I am a horrid human, with no redeeming qualities.

And, so peeps….I want to remind you….seek YOUR truth.  If something doesn’t feel right to you…make it your mission to find YOUR answers.

I did.

I’m much happier than I ever have been.

There is always room for growth. Just sayin’.

May we walk together as one.

 

Blessings,

Paula

 

 

 

Almost down the rabbit hole….

….and what I did to stop it.

Interesting times for those of us who are on a spiritual journey.  We seem to be getting slammed right and left and up and down with lessons, testing our resolve to this path.  It’s like Spirit, God, or whatever you believe in, is saying:  ARE YOU REALLY READY TO COMPLETELY WALK YOUR TALK?????!!!!!

I am…I think…well, actually, I know, AND, I also know what saying yes to this journey also entails.  It’s not always easy, but, OMG, it is the most rewarding thing you can ever do for yourself.

I’ve become aware of my little girl Sallie, who was “born” at age 4 or 5.  She became my protector….actually….she became my main personality.  She has dealt with my life, from a 5 year old perspective.  And, wow, I realized, looking back this morning, how kinda F*&%$ED up it was.  To deal with my life as an adult from a 5 year old perspective.   I have dealt with issues my whole life (not ALL the time, but…  A LOT….of the time), from that wounded little girl perspective.  She never had a chance to be a child.  To play, and enjoy all of the gifts that life has to offer to a little girl.  She felt as though she needed to be perfect, and take care of everyone.  After all, she was the oldest in the family, and that meant responsibility.

I’m very fortunate to be working with two amazing people right now to help me through this….and yet, I know that it has to come from me.

This morning – I started down that rabbit hole – that one where all of the old programming came up – Sallie was present and ready to kick some proverbial ass….I stopped….dead in my tracks….and actually told her that I have it now….that she can go back to being the child that she was never able to be.

“So, I can go back to being a kid again, and paint the paintings that I am?”

Absolutely Sallie.

This is where my latest series – The Little Girl and Tiny Tots – are being born from.  It’s from that adult little girl who was never allowed to play – because she choose to take on all of that responsibility for keeping me “safe” in the only way she knew how – from a 5 year old perspective.

I’m certainly not over the hump yet, but the latest journey has provided me with invaluable insight into what makes me tick…and has allowed me to be much more compassionate with others’ journeys.

None of us truly knows what wounds others carry – but, a little bit of compassion and love, goes a long way.

We are truly walking each other home.

Battle won….

….but the “war” continues. I rolled over at 3 AM to this text from a wise man whom I greatly respect regarding the “battle” at Standing Rock. “Not one prayer, but collective prayers, are the true miracle of #nodapl.” ….I smiled, knowing it is true, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my guides,…Continue Reading

Connections and Healings come from the oddest places.

Thanksgiving was very different this year.  Energetically completely off the charts.  It started out the same as it has in years past, with many of the main characters present.  But, the energy was a far cry from what it normally is. Let me set the stage. My son-in-laws parents are very different from me.  Not…Continue Reading

Love really is the answer

I received my first “hate” message since joining the movement in Standing Rock.  I knew it was coming because I had just read an article that a friend sent me about a friend of his who had been murdered because of his activist activity. “Paula. I have a question about your rebellion with the pipeline…Continue Reading

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