Category Archives: Everyday Life

Oh Esperanza

Hope…you have always filled me with Hope…Thus, your name.  I always believed in myself when I was here, but this time is different.   And, yet not.

You healed me in a way I cannot put into words….always teaching me lessons about life.  This time was no different.  I walked into you, and knew it was time to give back to you for all of the healing that you have offered me over the years.

I started by stripping your floors – on my hands and knees for 6 days – four square feet at a time.  Each tile handmade with love – and very very different.   Some wanted to hang onto their old coverings and pain, and some were willing to release and move forward immediately….just like people.   Each one unique in their build, color and look.  Once again, you were teaching me about life.

I’ve been here for almost 10 years now – sometimes only seeing you occasionally, but, always feeling the love emanating from your walls.  I’m not the same person I was when I first laid in your bathtub while my realtor listened to my hopes and dreams.

You orchestrated the perfect morning for me here – the last morning I will be able to call you mine.  Mystery surrounded the mountains and the sky – wind in the pines, the tinkle of rain in the aspens, followed by the intoxicating aroma of the desert after a rain.  You even made sure that it was cold enough to have one last fire.  And, OH, the light….there is nothing like it in the world.

I walked around my yard – lovingly touching each of the pines – Wisdom, Beauty, Love, Courage and Strength and thanking them for protecting me when I couldn’t protect myself.  The hummingbirds flew into my face – acting surprised when I moved.

I honor you for who you are, and what you have done for me.

The future is uncertain for me at this point – and I’m scared.  What will I do when I no longer have you to come back to – to recharge, regroup, and rejuvenate?  I know that whatever is planned for mei will be incredible, and the anticipation is present.

But, today…I’m sad.

I will always be grateful for what you did for me.  What you did WITH me.

Hold the next owners with the same love that you have shown me – because you are a healer.

May we walk together as one.

Paula

I am NOT a Love Avoider…

Walk Barefoot
Walk Barefoot

….nor am I an ultra-feminist, or a narcissist…..BUT, I am a Highly Sensitive Empath….

Once again, a very vulnerable post – yet, I feel the need to share.

The backstory…because it’s a doozy, and I think that many of you can relate.

I choose to go to a therapist a year and a half ago.  She was recommended to me as highly spiritual who could help me on a much deeper level, which is what I wanted.  I desired to work with someone who understood spiritual principle, as well as how to function in today’s world with all of the energies that bombard us as spiritual beings having a human experience.

I was ready to get down to MY nitty gritty.  AND, ultimately, I did….but, on my own, although the therapist played a huge part, just not in the way that she intended, which is frequently the case.

She labeled me.  First, I was a love avoider.  Then, I found out she told the man that I was dating that I was a narcissist and ultra-feminist.

I spiraled.  It was a slippery slope downhill.

After all, as a child I was taught to respect the opinion and not question authority figures.  After all, they had training in that field, and I didn’t.

But, was that MY truth?

Or the therapist’s truth?

I got angry. (After the downhill spiral where I was sure I was a total failure in life and would never amount to anything – so why even try?)  VERY angry.  I went to her for help, and all she did was label me, sweep me under the rug, and tell the man that I was dating why he shouldn’t be with me.

She never took the time with me to work on the reason why I came to her.  Which were intimacy issues.

So, I started doing my own research.  I found another therapist, and worked with a brilliant human who specifically works with Empaths.  I came across Dr. Judith Orloff….It’s like she knew me.  Everything about me.  My need for solitude, quiet and alone time.  Why I couldn’t sleep with someone else.  Why I felt like I was crazy.  The importance of boundaries…(Which was also what my brilliant human – Brooke Tatum – had told me for years!!)

Turns out MY truth, was not the therapists truth.  I didn’t question…until I did.  Nothing about what she said about me felt true – and I came across a phenomenal article in Elephant Journal while doing my research, after taking a plethora of online quizzes to see whether or not I was a narcissist (all results – no matter how often I took them – was a resounding NO!), that spoke to me, and probably to many.   It was about whether or not an Empath can be a narcissist……DEFINITELY NOOOOOO!!!

My truth.

Not the therapists.

Not the man I was dating.

MY TRUTH.

Had I not questioned her authority, I would still be down that deep dark rabbit hole, wondering if I am a horrid human, with no redeeming qualities.

And, so peeps….I want to remind you….seek YOUR truth.  If something doesn’t feel right to you…make it your mission to find YOUR answers.

I did.

I’m much happier than I ever have been.

There is always room for growth. Just sayin’.

May we walk together as one.

 

Blessings,

Paula

 

 

 

Battle won….

….but the “war” continues. I rolled over at 3 AM to this text from a wise man whom I greatly respect regarding the “battle” at Standing Rock. “Not one prayer, but collective prayers, are the true miracle of #nodapl.” ….I smiled, knowing it is true, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my guides,…Continue Reading

Connections and Healings come from the oddest places.

Thanksgiving was very different this year.  Energetically completely off the charts.  It started out the same as it has in years past, with many of the main characters present.  But, the energy was a far cry from what it normally is. Let me set the stage. My son-in-laws parents are very different from me.  Not…Continue Reading

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