Category Archives: Everyday Life

What is date rape? (Warning: Graphic Content)

Fully Exposed
Fully Exposed

I met someone.  It’s always been a joke between my friends and I that the only way that I am going to meet someone is at the grocery store or Walmart.  This one actually came to my house and purchased something that I had for sale.

He was so much of what I had envisioned myself ending up with, that it was uncanny.  There were few reservations.  I shared a lot about why I had so many intimacy issues, and he appeared to be super sensitive to my wanting to get to know him, before diving into being intimate.  I was surprised at how easy it was to set so many boundaries with him.

He was brilliant, incredibly spiritual, dorky, and made me laugh.  His ability to read my thoughts as I was thinking them was astonishing.  Time and time again, before I could even verbalize, he knew what I was going to say.  Frequently, I didn’t even HAVE to speak, and he would just KNOW what was going on in my mind.

I most definitely was starting to consider this relationship as long term.  Check, check, check.  It all seemed to be on my list.  I was even starting to feel that this was a man that I could work through my intimacy issues, and, eventually have a totally loving relationship with.  However, looking back on it, and through my processing, I realized that I had niggles of it not being quite right.  He was pushy, and I kept putting up boundaries.

He wanted to do energy work on me, which felt totally natural.  After all, I had shared ALL of my reservations about intimacy, and, once again, it seemed to me that he was in complete alignment.

We went to my bedroom, and he started doing work on me.  It felt otherworldly.  I was in heaven.  It was like all of my fears were melting away.

I allowed him to get physical with me…..but….it had been so long since I had been intimate, that it was painful.

We stopped.

We snuggled.

He told me that he understood.

I was grateful.

And then.

Before I knew it, he flipped me over, and rammed himself into me.

My whole being disappeared.

I was in shock.

I couldn’t respond OR react.

All I could think was, how could he do this?

After he finished, he said he had done me a favor since I was basically a “virgin” again.

I couldn’t even speak.

All I could think was that I wanted him to go home.  He read my mind, saying “I know you want me to leave.”  Followed by, “Thanks for letting me finish.”

It took me a while to process.  I’ve always been one that wants everyone to like me.  I’ve always put my needs last.  I’m a product of how I was raised, along with my patterns, karma, Akashic records, and soul contracts.

I felt guilty.  I felt ashamed.  I felt dirty and used.  I blamed myself.  I blamed myself, for not saying no, for having a sensual body, for being attractive, for being intelligent, and for being funny…..all of the characteristics that he found attractive.

I painted.  STRONG, POWERFUL, NAKED, TOO MUCH WOMEN.

Own Your Truth

They gave me strength.  They brought me messages that it is OKAY to be all of the things that I blamed myself for.  They told me that it was not my fault, and to stop beating myself up.  They also reminded me that this was one of the most powerful lessons of my life, and until I finally understood that listening to my intuition is the most important thing that I could do for myself, that these sort of incidences would continue to happen to me.

I’m not the victim here.  I am the victor.  He is not the enemy, nor do I hate him….on the contrary, I am grateful.  Grateful because I finally got it GUS!   I finally understand.

It will probably take me a while to fully process the whole incident.

So, was it date rape?  I’m not completely sure.  Way too much gray.  The only thing that I am sure of is that I’ve done a powerful shift.  It will take time to integrate the full lesson.

I do know that I am painting these STRONG, POWERFUL, NAKED, TOO MUCH WOMEN for others who are in the same boat as I am in.  The ones that feel guilty and ashamed.  The empaths.  The sensitive ones.  The ones who are afraid to be all that they are.

Is She Finished, Or a Work In Progress

The victors.

Because, there is no time like the present to finally “get” our lessons.

After all, we have a world to change.

May We Walk Together As One,

Paula

 

What if…..

I want to play a game….A game called “What If”.  I just recently finished a series on Netflix called Travelers…For those of you who have seen it, you know there was a HUGE cliffhanger.  For those of you who don’t know anything about the series…the cliff notes are that people “traveled” from the future, to fix the past. And, it got me thinking.

What if we are travelers?  What if we came here to fix the past?  Far-fetched??  Maybe.  Or…..maybe not.

What if we are given all of the tools to figure out what to do this lifetime….ie….astrology, tarot, numerology, AND intuition….and the reason why we hesitate to speak out that we believe in our tools, is because it is looked at as being crazy?  Look at the media – it’s full of stories making people who believe in this seem crazy.  An episode of Friends comes to mind where Phoebe was talking about something “out there” and she was made to look like a ditz (Ok…she was a bit of a ditz…but, you get the idea.)  It happens all the time.

What if food really IS medicine, and yet, we are controlled through fear by the pharmaceutical companies to believe that if we don’t take medicine, we will die. (Ok, a bit dramatic, but, there is some truth to my statement!)  Example:  You all may know that I was diagnosed with Lyme disease…I choose to go to a Doctor who treats “dis-ease” naturally…supplements, etc.  In addition to that, I also started following the Medical Medium, and started juicing – mostly celery juice – every morning.  Last visit – no more Lyme!!!   Also, food for thought here….why is it that over 80 holistic practitioners have met with untimely deaths?  (Starting to see a pattern?  Cuz, I am.)

What if Trump is Hitler reincarnated and we are being given a second chance to right the wrongs that were committed in the past?  Thousands are waking up every day….and, I believe one of the reasons is to bring light into the world.  (I may be met with opposition with this statement – but it is MOO – My Opinion Only – and I am entitled to it – just sayin!)

What if there really ARE angels and guides and beings that are sent to you to help you find your way?  I know I believe – it seems every time I ask for signs….they come.

What if we are here just to play this game called LIFE, and the winners are the ones who find their way to joy, love and compassion?  I’m not saying that you need to be “woke” to play the game…..there are thousands who contribute….just by being who they are.   But, what if all of the players on the team need each other – no matter how seemingly insignificant they are….because…what if….that smile from the man who works at Panera totally makes your day, and makes you grateful to be alive?

Please feel free to add your “What-ifs”…I’d love to hear them.

May We Walk together as one….because we truly do.

Paula

 

 

Not even my family, nor my closest friends know….

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How many of you (like me) run?

….from facing your fears….and from facing yourself?  I know I do.  What is it that you do?? This is one of the things I do…I buy houses.  About every two years, I get the itch to change residences.  But, this home here in Bella Vista, Arkansas…is different.  I’m putting down roots. Literally and figuratively.  I’m… Continue Reading

About Paula
Raven Shaman