Looking back, being present, and anticipating the future…

angelofloveI really could never have imagined my life the way it is today.

Ten years ago – I was suicidal.  Hell – I was that way until about 7 years ago.   And, then, I changed.

I started listening to my intuition.  I made one of the hardest decisions of my life.  I decided to leave a great, wonderful man because I knew I had to.  I had no idea how I would make it.  After all, I was an artist, and artists starve, don’t they?  At least, that it what I heard from several friends and family members who were concerned.

But, I didn’t and wouldn’t believe it.

I persevered – and have gone through so many metamorphosis – that it makes me feel a bit possessed.   My art has changed, reflecting every single mutation.  Every time my intuition gave me a nudge – I listened – sometimes….well, honestly….most of the time, when it is telling me what to paint.

I finally feel like I am coming home more to me – to who I am, why I am here, and what I am supposed to do.  The beings that come through me onto the canvas carry messages.  I never know who the messages are for until the recipient reaches out to me.  I know when it belongs to someone, because I can sense them feeling the message.

Two years ago I would have never had the courage to put these beings out there, let alone tell people that they really come through me, with messages attached…but I’ve changed.

Low and behold – when I listen – abundance flows.  Strange how that happens (for those of you who know me – you know that is a TOTAL sarcastic comment!)….NOT…

I’ve let go of a lot of expectation – instead choosing to be more fluid (I AM a Cancer after all!)…and the magic floats by as I lounge about in the little boat that is taking me down the river of life.

Never could I have imagined how much I love being present.  Never could I have imagined how at peace I am.  Never…..could I have even imagined being alive at this time.

I know now…  I know that the better it gets, the better it gets.   I’m so very content being alone.  I love the smells and the  sounds of nature like I have never done before.  I truly feel like I am a part of everything.

Since I know now…that the better it gets…the better it gets…I become like a child anticipating Christmas.

So – now, I have something fun to share with you.

For my birthday I bought myself a bird feeder, a hummingbird feeder, outside lighting….

and….

a new house.

What a perfect present for a Cancer.

much love,

Paula

oh…and that fear about not making it……gone.

 

2 Responses to Looking back, being present, and anticipating the future…

  1. love the truth, the hope, the wisdom in your words, you are only beginning to blossom greatly my friend, smile and enjoy, love you

  2. You have been so brave… so many people think that if they had the freedom to make a change then they would. It is easy to get comfortable with the status quo and stop growing, falling short of the joy and peace that are available if we listen quietly and take chances.

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About Paula