I’ve been in observation mode lately.  Even observing myself.  It’s an odd feeling to be outside of myself and look at myself objectively (as much as I possibly can, given the fact that I AM myself!)

I notice postings on FaceBook about people who are unhappy in their day to day life.  (I also notice postings about people who are ecstatic about their lives!)   But, my lesson for this week was and is about choices, and about still playing the victim card.  Although, not as much or as dramatic as it has been in the past, but still present.

I have come to a crossroads….as you know, because many of you are in this boat with me….about truly letting go of being a victim.  Which is probably why I am noticing posts particularly about those who find themselves playing the victim.

I started this painting last week when I was just starting to go down this dark and ugly path, but oh so informative path.  I was letting it unfold, and I noticed that doors were appearing.   I sat on it a while….clearly not ready to finish it….and wondering exactly what the message was.  It had been a difficult painting for me, but as you know, my art reflects what is going on in my life.


I tried pushing my way through it, but I continued to get more and more frustrated.  I was honest to God ready to take a knife to it.   Something kept me from doing just that.

I revisited it this morning….and the light bulb went on.

It is about doorways, and choices and thresholds.

You know the saying that when God closes a door, he opens another (but the hallways are hell!)?

I was in the hallway.  It was dark.  AND, a little scary.  But, once I settled down, I started seeing the light through the cracks in the door.

I could choose to stay in the dark…because sometimes it’s easier to blame others for being in this place of being a victim….or, I could choose to open the damn door and walk back into the light.

No one else can or could make that decision for me…..OR for you!

It’s easy for me to see, because I have been there…I have done that, AND have written the book!   I WAS the Queen of Victimdom.

As I finished the painting…I realized it was a message about choices….

Thank you Spirit for bringing me the message through my painting.

I have choices.  Door number 1, or door number 2.

Dark or light?

Victim or Victor?

My choice.

My decision.

Same for any of you.

Your choice.

Your decision.

Much love,



3 Responses to Choices

  1. Paula, Your “Choices” post today was simple but impressive. It really is quite to the point in everyone’s daily lives. I have begun readying your postings and it has been good for me. I see a side of you I never got to know when we were in the same town. It is unfortunate I never took the chance got to know you better, although you may be a much different person now than then, I cant speak to that. . You artistic and writing talents are considerable and I am impressed. Best wishes to you.

    • Thank you Leroy… I am not at all the same person I was when I was in Russell… It’s all been quite the journey…

      Thank you so much!!!


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