Tag Archives: judgement

I’ve been AWOL

And here is why….Occasionally life throws us curve balls.  Last week I got the flu.  Full blown, even to the point that I went to the clinic to get checked…Such a rare thing for me.

Then, my son’s lung collapsed and he had to be hospitalized.  He had been trying to get health insurance since May of 2017, and despite numerous phone calls, and following the Health care.gov rules…nada, zippo, zilch!

We finally made it home last week Sunday and I woke up Sunday night having a FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK!!!  I couldn’t breathe, listen, speak, or eat.  As a matter of a fact – I honestly thought I was dying!!!   I painted From the Ashes, because I thought it would help….and it did….temporarily.  From the Ashes (24 x 24)

Monday night – rinse and repeat.  Same thing – not as severe – but same symptoms.

I became hyper aware that I couldn’t discuss the specifics of the attack – and set some boundaries that are always difficult for me to set.  And, compassion kicked in.  For those who suffer with these on a regular basis, AND, for myself.

When I could finally see what happened, and could process a bit – The Sassy Pants series was born.

I needed the reminder that “I” had the power!  No one else.  Just me.

I think that artists are unique in that we are able to paint our way through our emotions, and lessons…..not that we are always able to…..but, we can, if we just release and allow.

Getting Her S#!T Together came first – VERY LARGE – and hung in a place in my home that I look at it daily. 









Then came On Her Soapbox to remind me to be grateful. 








After that was Fake it till you Make it – I had never really considered being sassy enough to pretend. And yet, for some reason, I felt the need to paint this colorful being. (She is available for $575 with free shipping in the US – 24 x 36 x .5 – regular price $1300)








I’m not sure why this happened, totally, but, I have my thoughts.  I think one of the main reasons is to learn how to be less judgy and more compassionate.  Another reason is to remind me that there is a power greater than me at work here (Thank you GUS!), and that I really do need to learn how to release and allow.  Still a third reason that I have yet to look at is deeply personal – and something I have been avoiding like the plague, and so GUS (thank you AGAIN!), threw it in my face, so that I have no other option BUT to look at it!!!

This being AWOL has allowed me to see clearer (now that I am on the other side), and has really upped my compassion game.

I’m very fortunate to have had some incredible friends share their experiences, and the breathing techniques that help them when they feel a panic attack coming on.  It doesn’t completely eliminate them, but, it makes them easier to navigate.

May We Walk Together As One.





The Blues


They come.  They go.  The blues.  Sometime with varying degrees of intensity.   I know that it’s normal.   I used to RUN away from the blues.  Or waller in it.  All great techniques of avoidance.

I’ve learned more about myself in the past month, because I have chosen consciously to face myself.   My demons.  My little girl that was so damaged, and afraid.  Just like I learned on my Ayahuasca journey – there is no way out, but to walk through the fire.   It didn’t kill me, but it gave me so much insight.  It’s the fighting it that is the scary part.  And wore my ass out.

I’m very committed (or as I have said in the past – I should be committed) to my spiritual path.  My journey.   To learning as much as I possibly can this lifetime, as well as being as authentic to myself as I can.   Without judgement.  Knowing that I am doing the absolute best that I can every moment that I am in.  And forgiving myself for my missteps.

It’s not about just reading one book and adopting everything in that book.   It’s about becoming a seeker for my truth.   What resonates in one, may not resonate in another.   There may be bits and pieces from one, and the whole damn book from another.

It’s a commitment.

Yes, I have strayed….I have believed that it’s not as important as I thought it was.   I thought it made me the odd ball out.  I thought people looked at me like I have a third eye (btw – I do!!!).

And, on this path – the blues show up.   It’s not always fairies, unicorns farting glitter, or all namaste.   Maybe, eventually, I’ll get there, but for right now, I’m going with what is presented to me.

I think it’s important to honor your own path.

If that means, taking a day off to really LOOK at why you have the blues, then by all means do it.   I promise there is some good juicy stuff there.

I’ve been going to therapy – something I can’t really afford – but – my inside voice said – you can’t afford not to.  It’s time Paula Jean.   It’s time to heal that wounded little girl inside, that shame core, that has “protected” you forever.

It’s time to cut yourself some slack and be less judgmental against yourself.

You know, the oddest thing happened when I did that.

“I” became less judgmental against others.

I had compassion for myself.   Real compassion.  And I found it flowed out to others.


Big AHA!!!

I’m an intuitive painter.  I’m a spiritual warrior.  I am a mother and Mimi.  I love having long conversations with people about anything that has to do with this journey.   I don’t apologize for my “different than most” opinions or beliefs – as much as I used to.   If it makes me crazy in some people’s eyes – well then – so be it.

However, the one thing that I know about my path, is that my “coming out” spiritually, allows others to come out also.

I can’t help but be grateful for the past, excited about the future, and present in the NOW…

Much love,


Quieting Sallie

I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts lately…like a caterpillar who has gone into his cocoon to emerge as a butterfly…eventually! I had a friend point out to me the other day that all of my typical colors were gone from my paintings that I have been doing….which caused me to reflect. One of… Continue Reading

Natural Lessons

I’ve been walking.  A lot.  Every morning.  At least two miles.  Over the river and through the woods, so to speak.  Through neighborhoods, and along country roads.  Which means, as you know, that I have to get dressed super early.   A feat in itself, as most of you know me to stay in my pajamas… Continue Reading

About Paula
Raven Shaman
Malcare WordPress Security