Tag Archives: pollyanna

The #toomuchwoman

The #toomuchwoman Angel
The #toomuchwoman Angel

I think that many of us can agree….it’s been a year….a year of ups and downs…a year of change…a year of rebirth….especially for those of us that have chosen a spiritual path.  I think to say that it has been a year filled with lessons, aha’s, and growth would probably minimize what most of us have felt.

One of the things I have had to learn how to do is to be quiet.  Hard for this grand fire trine woman, but, one of the things that I have figured out is that the answers lie in the quiet.  I’ve been such a “doer” all my life, that being forced to be quiet (if you don’t do what GUS – God, Universe, Spirit – is asking – “he” will find a way to MAKE you do it!), has been one of the most challenging lessons of all for me.

I’ve been forced to take a lot of “down” time, but, it hasn’t been unproductive at all.  Even with the move, I’ve chosen to “do” things I wouldn’t normally do.  One of the most rewarding experiences for me has been taking time to read a plethora of journals and sketch books that I have kept since consciously committing to the life of a lightworker.

It’s been a year of muddling through the muck….feeling like a failure….and wondering why.

But, so many things came together for me while reading my Pollyanna musings the past few days.

Depression, apathy, and everything that goes with it, have been my closest friends the past 6 (or more) months.

Pollyanna had gone missing.

Reading my journals brought me right back to square one.  The reason why I am here.

Frequently in my writings, I stated that I am not everyone’s cup of tea…that I am different…sometimes feeling alone….sometimes lonely….but, I wouldn’t trade this path for anything.

I’ve always been a #toomuchwoman for most people.

A catalyst.

One that makes statements that people frequently look at me with the WTF stare!

I lost that this year.  I shrank.  I became less than.  I thought I needed to be the person that others expected me to be.

AND, I got sick because my mind, body and spirit were not in alignment.

However, in the spirit of total transparency, (which is one of the reasons I am here), it’s been a good thing for me to be aware of.

One of my HUGE issues is people pleasing.  Worrying about what they think of me.  Wondering if they think I’m crazy.

This is the year I am giving that up.

I’ve realized that who I am, is one who helps others not feel alone by writing my stories. Sharing my lessons.  My aha’s.  My growth, and my setbacks.  The number of people that write me and tell me their stories is mind-blowing sometimes, and I would not have it any other way.  I always try to hold sacred space for those who are hurting, and willing to move forward, but, I don’t hold space for those who insist on staying in their victim mentality.

My circle of friends is much smaller.  Quality over quantity.

I’ve had many mentors over the years and the ones I respect and honor the most, are the ones who aren’t afraid to also share their process.  The ones who will say, “Yeah, life sucks sometimes…..but that is where the growth occurs….”.  I know when someone is honest, and when someone is blowing smoke up my ass.  Most of the time, I honor my intuition, and when I don’t, I’m grateful for the lesson. (Most of the time!!!)

One of the biggest things I’ve become acutely aware of is how tightly we are interwoven.  Personally, I gain strength from those who have had their feet held to the fire, and walk through it.  For those of you, I am grateful.  And, conversely, I am also grateful to those who choose not to also, because, I know that there is no shame in playing it safe – it’s just not for me.

This post is to say THANK YOU for each and every one of you who have impacted my life in one way or another.  I would not be the person I am today, had it not been for you.

May We Walk Together As One.

Much Love,

Paula

 

 

I’ve been really afraid…

ahigherpower…..to be who I am for the majority of my life, because I’ve always worried about what other people thought.   Okay, not totally true, because I remember as a small child being happy being outside in my Grandparents magical cedar forest complete with fairies, and leprechauns, and such – I kid you not!!!  I didn’t care what ANYONE thought then!!!

And, I’m finally getting back to that place again.

I’m a visionary artist.  At first, I really tried to “fit in”, (just like I used to want to “fit in” constantly in junior high, high school, college, marriage…yada, yada, yada!), and paint more traditional subjects…..and I did, but, I never really felt like me.

It’s been a journey.

When I first started painting “beings”, I only shared them with people I knew would “get it”.  I slowly started sharing them with others.

Then, the messages started.

And, “I” went on an adventure in Chloe (Fifth-Wheel).

One thing I learned while on my adventure is that I need to be true to me.  Me, and only me.   I’m the only one that I have to “make” happy.   Me.  Everyone else is responsible for their own happiness.  I found that it was very important to me to be completely from my integrity.

AND TO TRUST MY INTUITION!!!!!

I’m not a traditional artist.

At all.

That became VERY clear to me yesterday when I painted the painting above and then the message came through….on this the day of a bit of uncertainty…..

A Higher Power
Yesterday I was called to create…and this one has a strong message. 
Remember, when you go into fear, there is a higher power at work. 
The scales are being balanced. 
It is our job to hold the light.  
To remember that we are surrounded by angels.
To be love. 
To be that voice of reason. 
To be that voice of love. 
May we walk together as one.

I know that there are many of you who are afraid to be who you are also.   We’ve all been taught to “fit in”.  They tell us they want us to be individuals, and yet, when we non-conform, we are either made fun of or reprimanded.   It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with who we are.

I, for one, am finding that it is easier to just be who I am, rather than keep trying to fit into that square hole…

Here is my “I am” statement (the very, very short version)….

I am a visionary intuitive artist.  I receive messages about what to paint, sometimes, and, sometimes the paintings just flow with the messages revealed while the layers mingle.  I believe we were sent here to find our way back to love.  Acceptance.  Compassion.  I am a Pollyanna.  And, a channel, an empath, psychic, clairvoyant, intuitive woman who has been given the gifts of transparency, determination (Thanks, Mom!), and creativeness.  It is up to ME to utilize these gifts in the way that Earth Maker, God, Creator, Spirit, or whatever the heck you believe in….intended.  To do anything less would be a sin.

Now….who are you????

May we walk together as one.

Blessings,

Paula

Battle won….

….but the “war” continues. I rolled over at 3 AM to this text from a wise man whom I greatly respect regarding the “battle” at Standing Rock. “Not one prayer, but collective prayers, are the true miracle of #nodapl.” ….I smiled, knowing it is true, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my guides,… Continue Reading

I Choose….LOVE.

It seems so often that we are all asked to be the same.   Oh sure, “they” tell you that being different is great, but, then you go to school and conformity is the name of the game.  At least where I grew up.  Maybe those were restrictions that I put on myself – but I… Continue Reading

Angel of Many Colors

I’ve stated it before, and I continue to maintain it….I am a Pollyanna.  I don’t put my head in the sand, but I do believe that the power of love will change the world. That being said….I have an interesting story about how this painting “happened”.  One that made me realize that if we are… Continue Reading

We are Light

WE ARE LIGHT I just got back from another pretty intense shamanic journey….I started down the dark, scary path that I went on the last night of my first journey….and I stopped!  Dead in my tracks. Hadn’t I been down this road of darkness, and despair already once? Hadn’t I wondered already once if I… Continue Reading

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