A “mentor” or mentoring is described as: Mentoring consists of a long-term relationship focused on supporting the growth and development of the mentee. The mentor becomes a source of wisdom, teaching, and support, but not someone who observes and advises on specific actions or behavioral changes in daily work.
Notice I put “mentor” in quotes….Something came up for me yesterday and this past week that I hadn’t completely dealt with yet.
Scenario One: A very talented, self-taught, soulful artist posted something on Facebook sharing her story about hiring a mentor….and how this said “mentor” proceeded to rip apart her gift of capturing critters. THIS IS HER SOUL PEEPS. This is her GIFT!!! This artist doesn’t need me to fight her battles, she is perfectly capable of doing this on her own, and also, perfectly capable of working through it on her own, but it brought up a lot for me.
How dare this person (the so called “mentor”) say this to this fairly new, but, extremely gifted artist? I suspect it was fear, or bullying, or a bit of both. I only pray that the one thing that this artist, now, truly sees what her gift is.
Scenario Two: A very well established and equally gifted artist shared her story about being bullied and black balled by another artist, and she ruminated on it for two years, and watched the effects of the blackballing….She is now stronger than ever, and making her story known.
What makes people do these things?
Fear I suspect.
Fear that there is not enough of the pie to go around.
And now, it’s time for my story.
Mine happened five-ish years ago. This “mentor” of mine still scares the crap out of me. She is my demon to face. I spent a hefty amount to study technique with this artist…instead…there was a bunch of head things that went on…and being the insecure little being that I was at the time, I did it again…I spent more to be beat down again.
And then, I sat back and watched.
I watched her bully people in her group.
And, I made the mistake of sharing with a woman that I was working with about the situation. Unfortunately, she felt the need to share with another artist who was working with this mentor…
All hell broke loose.
I started receiving scathing emails from my “mentor”.
She assured me that she hadn’t shared with anyone other than her mentor.
But, I knew differently, because I received phone calls and messages from those who studied with her telling me that she said horrid things about me in her classes.
I retreated. Went into my shell.
I’m not perfect, nor am I blameless.
But, it has taken me five-ish years to share my story.
I wanted to be liked. I wanted to attach myself to her wagon.
Until I realized that the emperor had no clothes….
I’m not sharing my story for sympathy.
I’ve realized that we all have wounding that makes us who we are. I suspect that these people never felt appreciated or loved as children, and they haven’t dealt with these wounds, which comes out when we get older. Bullying people, becoming narcissistic, projecting their crap onto others. Hiding behind a facade of “I’m great, but, inside I’m a freaking mess, and I will do my best to not let you see it.”
I’ve hidden a lot over the past few years because of this, and become “less-than” because of my fear of not being enough.
I’m reclaiming my power. Painting/creating what I choose – when I choose. Regardless of other’s opinions. Oh yes, they will still affect me, however, I can see the reasons why these sort of things happen more often than not.
This latest series #dontletthewingsfoolyou, represents just that. Me….reclaiming my power.
I have to be totally transparent here….when I started this blog, I was pissed. Pissed because others don’t see. All of that old festering wound was poked and it all came flooding out…yucky, gross, ugly puss that builds up when you don’t treat the wound properly when it occurs.
Now, I find, my compassion for these people has been raised up ten-fold. Everyone serves a purpose in our lives. “They” say, some by coming, and some by going….LOL!!!
Writing always helps me process, I just didn’t realize how much.
Blessings to all of you.
May We Walk Together As One….because, trust me, we are!!