Tag Archives: dreams

Becoming Visible

Becoming Visible
                     Becoming Visible

I cried when I painted this.  Actually, that is a lie….I sobbed.   She may or may not be a “work of art”, but, her message to me, and to others is powerful.

She appears to be taking shape.  Slowly.  Through the mist she is gradually appearing.  She is finding herself.  Becoming herself.  Allowing others to truly see her.   She’s scared, but, she knows it is time.  No more hiding behind false smiles and nervous laughter.  No more pretending to be someone who she isn’t to make others comfortable.

No more pretending. Period.

She’s different.  She hears, sees, and feels messages from the unseen.  Angels.  Guides.  Beings of Hope.  And regurgitates them.  It’s risky for her, because she was raised very traditionally.  It scares her, because she gets messages from others that she is doing the work of the devil.   And yet, she persists.  It’s a drive from deep within her to give these beings form and voices.

Oh yeah, she could continue to paint what sells, which is her more traditional art, but something stops her cold each time.   How can she tell others to be authentic to who they are, if she isn’t?  How can she paint for profit when her soul isn’t in it?  Certainly, she can paint cows until they come home, but who would give these beings, these angels life in the way that only she can do?

Why is it so difficult for her to do?  She KNOWS who she is, and yet, she is afraid to become who she is.  She is afraid of the ridicule, because she used to be the ridiculer.  The irony is not lost on her.

These beings are with her most of the time.   She gets frequent confirmation that they are indeed real.  From those who have had near death experiences who gasp when they see her paintings and tell her that this is indeed what the beings, the angels on the other side look and feel like.   From others who have communicated with them.

Why can’t she step fully into believing who she is and why she is here?

Mostly, because the majority of her life, she has built up a system of beliefs.  Things that others have said to her about who they believe or think she is.   Those that have called her crazy.   Those who she has listened to because she trusted them, who don’t have a clue who she truly is.  She has not learned how to think for herself…..but, that is changing.  Slowly, gradually, like emerging from the mist.

It’s time.

It’s time to share herself.   It’s time to put herself out there in a way that she never has.   It’s time to tell the world that she is a channeler, a psychic, an intuitive and an empath. (And occasionally a pain in the ass!) It’s time to put herself out there so that others can do the same.

This spiritual journey is not for the faint of heart.

But, it’s time.

It’s time because the world needs to see what can be accomplished when we step into who we truly are.  We are love.  Pure love.  The kind that can’t be described…the kind that connects all of us regardless of race, or religion.

We need it now more than ever.

What can YOU do to become more visible?  To change the world?  To share your heart and your story to help others?

You see, I know this story well…..because…..

she is me


Esperanza – Hope – Sigh…..

This was taken by my friend Brooke Tatum
This was taken by my friend Brooke Tatum

I want to share a story….

A story about an incredibly mystical, nurturing home in an extraordinarily enchanted land.

Esperanza. Hope. Because without Hope, where would we be?

My ex and I had always had two homes. At one point there was one in Taos, when I first started painting, and a fairly large family emergency happened and we sold it. But, the Enchanted Mountain wasn’t finished with me yet.

Several years later, I lost my father. As he died, he communicated to me “Always be happy Paula Jean.”.

Those words changed my life.

I realized that I hadn’t been happy. Little did I know at the time that it was internal and not external.

I started looking on the internet for homes in Taos once again.   I felt drawn there.

This one home – kept pulling me in. I kept praying that somehow I would live in her. She wasn’t practical for my situation at the time – only one bedroom, and one bathroom, but, my love affair with her started then.

And then, I made the decision to separate from my ex. Not on a whim, but because of a deep longing to find myself.

Little did I know, how Esperanza would play an integral part in my healing.

From the moment I stepped into her – I knew she was mine.   I didn’t care that she was on two miles of dirt roads. I didn’t care that, at the time, there was no closet. I didn’t care that, at the time, she was only one bedroom.

That bathtub – drew me in. A six foot claw foot tub set into a bay window that faced south with a stunning view of the mountain. Sigh. I fell hook line and sinker. I laid in the tub (without water) while my realtor sat on the stool, and listened to my dreams.

I moved in. She embraced me with her gigantic kiva fireplace in the middle of the home, that I would lovingly run my hands over and feel the soothing heat as she radiated her benevolent energy out. I could feel the love that the woman and her daughter, who built her by hand, put into her. Every time I opened up one of the kitchen cabinet doors and saw a different hand carved flower (even a sunflower!!!) I felt the love that Dorothy put into every single bit of planning that home. I would lay in my bed and watch the moon and the stars every night.

She was only ¼ mile from the Rio Grande Gorge. Set in a dark community that allowed no ambient light. The magpies, ravens and then eventually the hummingbirds kept me company. Five stately pine trees that sang songs to me as the wind blew through their needles and aspen trees who graced me with gold every fall were present in my fenced in yard.

I spent my first winter there, snowed in most of the time, drinking wine in the bathtub, with candles burning all around me, listening to Eva Cassidy, wondering what I was going to do with my life. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. But, I always felt some sense of peace under the New Mexico skies.

After all, hadn’t I always dreamed of being married with 2.54 kids etc etc?

Why then, the need, the desire to be in Taos, NM of all places?!

Turns out….It was to awaken to a life I had no idea or knowledge of until moving there the second time.

My life changed. I no longer believed much of anything I was raised to believe. I felt like I was being born again. I ventured out, very slowly at first, and connected to my tribe. The people were magical. My experiences were even more magical.

But always, I knew that if it hadn’t been for Esperanza (and The Mountain) making herself known to me, I may not have had the mystical journey that I have had.

She healed me. She became my confidant wrapping me in a little cocoon like a grandmother.

Which brings me to my vision, my dream for her (and I think HER vision and dream for herself – since I tried to sell her at 25% below market price – and she NEVER sold!).

She and the land she sits on is sacred, and healing. I have had renters in the past who have stayed there as they were contemplating whether or not to stay in a relationship.   I have had artists come and stay (because there is studio space), to reconnect with their muse. I have had healers come and stay for quiet time. I have had people who want to possibly move to the area come and stay for the full Land of Enchantment experience. I am having an author and mystic coming in June to host a retreat and write.

This is my dream, my vision for her. To offer a healing, sacred, creative space. To offer a place for intimate sacred ceremonies. To offer a place to teach and share wisdom.

Where you can dream, create, contemplate, restore, relax and renew.

Where you can rise in the morning to the sounds of balloons floating overhead. Where you can drink your coffee and talk with the magpies, ravens, & hummingbirds. Where you can soak in the bathtub as you watch the sun (or moon) rise over the mountains. Where you can walk on the Mesa after a monsoon rain and smell the chamisa.

Where you can just BE.

If the thought of this appeals to you…Please let me know.   She is solidly booked until mid-July, and tentatively booked until the first part of September.

She is a funky, quirky, eclectic, nurturing grandmother….I promise you a dreamlike experience.


Much love,


To look at pictures of her – click here!


Surveying her Domain

Occasionally I paint what I see happening in the future. Or what I want to see. I have lived in the country for a large portion of my life, after feeling at one with the land while spending countless, fairy tale, summers at my grandparents farm. I would play for hours in the magical forest… Continue Reading

I’m writing a book. Period.

Dayum Gina….  Now I’ve said it out loud.  To all who care to read this post.   DAYUM!!!  Sheet Fahr and save matches!   And Hells Bells.   Okay.  Ya’ll get the picture.   I’ve gotten the message for a while and have resisted the urge, mostly because I didn’t know what to do, how to do it, or… Continue Reading

Quiet time….

I always thought quiet time was overrated.   After all, if I wasn’t doing at least 4 things at once, I was most likely sleeping.  And even when I slept, I have my notepad close, my phone close and my computer close, as well as a book or two.   Just in case I might wake up… Continue Reading

Esperanza – Hope

I know… I am remiss at doing a regular blog.   I “should” be more regular, but I’m not.   But, I’ve been busy…Busy painting.  And visiting Taos. And, you know, just figuring out who the heck I am supposed to be when I grow up.  Just minor stuff.  LOL… The trip to France changed… Continue Reading

About Paula
Raven Shaman
Malcare WordPress Security